SIN AND ABSOLUTION

Serilda: Dear gods, it's the Bible-Thumper Brigade…

I am so against abortion I think it is so bad to kill a innocent baby!!!

Renn: Multiple exclamation marks: The sure sign of a deranged mind.

Acacia: Must she drag her political views into a story?

Renn: I'm… not sure this can actually be called a story…

How can any one do such a bad thing and look themselves in the eye again???

Serilda: Technically, they can't, because it's slightly physically impossible to look yourself in the eye, because it's what you look with, so it's rather hard to look at it…

It is so wrong so I decide to write a story about why its wrong

(All groan)

Acacia: Knew it.

and maybe convince some future mothers to not kill theyre babys and to keep them safe and not kill.

Serilda: Redundant much?

You should not have carnal relations before marraige any way.

Renn: Nor should you inflict unspellchecked unfics on the web world at large.

Mary was walking slowly down the street of Glenoak and Mary thinks Mary’s gonna be late for church.

Serilda: GAH! PRONOUNS!

Acacia: …at least the Suvians knew what those were…

" Oh that would be so bad. "

Renn: Because, of course, you'll go to hell for all eternity if you miss a few minutes or so of church.

Mary stipulates.

(All burst out laughing hysterically)

Mary’s feet clunk like hammers from a volcano

Serilda: And how do you get hammers from a volcano?

Acacia: What kind of shoes does she have on?

against the curvaceous gray sidewalk

All: o.O;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Renn: What… the hells… does she MEAN?!

and Mary wears some cute pants and a blouse that is pink with casparitated

Serilda: …even I don't know that word…

Acacia: I'm sensing an overused thesaurus here.

Renn: (flips through the dictionary) There's no such word!

Serilda: Oh good. I was afraid a Bad Author had outdone me.

white stars it has sweeping sleeves and a cute torso that hugs Mary‘s bosom without looking slutty.

Serilda: Suuuuure. You just keep on believing that, dear.

The sun looks like a yellow candypop as it dangles over the horizon giving off pretty rays of yellow golden volcanic

Acacia What is this obsession with volcanoes?

Renn: It's known as Bad Metaphor And/or Simile.

and in the sun all of glenoak looks so nice and pretty like the place where maybe the Brady Bunch would live

(All burst out laughing)

and Mary is so happy. Then Mary sees her friend Jill. Jill is a gangster girl because Jill has tattoos and piercings and Jill wears baggy jeans and Jill’s jeans

Serilda: USE PRONOUNS ALREADY!

are ripped in many places and really ragged and ugly like a volcano.

Acacia: Dammit, QUIT with the VOLCANOES!

" Oh hi Jill! " Marry conglomerated.

Serilda: Does she even know what the word means, or is she just trying to look smart?

Renn: I vote trying to look smart.

Jill looks at Mary and tears are gushing like a bubbling volcano

Acacia: More volcanoes! JUST STOP!

from her eyes like two strings of silly putty.

(All picture this and crack up)

" Oh Mary I’m so very remorseful. "

Serilda: (sniggers)

" But why Jill? You can tell me. I’m your friend. " " I made whoopie

Acacia: That is possibly the stupidest euphemism I have yet heard.

and I got pregnant with Jill’s boyfriend’s baby

Renn: But aren't you Jill?

Serilda: Jill can't use pronouns, either.

and it makes me so depressing now. "

Mary transfixed Jill‘s jaundiceness

Serilda: This is painful! PAINFUL!

" Oh no Jill! You gotta keep the baby, Jill. You know how wrong it would be to kill the poor baby Jill. Don’t you realize such horribleness Jill? "

Renn: (comforts the traumatized Serilda)

Serilda: (insensible) Such horribleness…

Blue orbs locked upon deep black ones like midnight in a volcano.

Acacia: I have an idea. Let's chuck her in Mauna Loa so she knows what a real volcano is like, at midnight or any other time!

" Ok I know Mary. I am sorry I actually was thinking about it and I know the Lord says that thinking in the heart is as bad as actually doing it

Serilda: o.O Where? I never heard of that!

Renn: I know I don't think someone considering killing me is as bad as someone killing me…

so I wasn’t thinking about it any more. " " Oh I’m so happy!!! "

Acacia: There's a school of thought that holds that fiction authors should show, not tell.

Serilda: She must have attended a different school.

Renn: Multiple exclamation marks again, I notice.

So Jill and Mary walked off down the street feeling they were cheerful

Serilda: But not actually BEING cheerful.

and Jill was loving her baby and had 6 more babys

Renn: …what does anyone need with six babies?

three girls and three boys and Jill walked with the Lord’s Blessing forever and ever.

Acacia: I would like to state that this story is not in fact a story about why abortion is terrible and horrible and wrong, but merely has characters in it who think so.

THE END

(All cheer, relieved)