> To: farfarello_chan@yahoo.com

DA: Farfie's being stalked by Yahoo!

> From: clubsbot@yahoo-inc.com

Bratt: Hey! Looks like the Club's Bot recovered from that
fall on the keyboard!
DA: Hey, cool! *cheers*

> Reply-to:

Bratt: Anyone but me.
DA: Prefferably someone who cares.

> Subject: Getting--

Bothing: *singing* Getting to knoooooooow you!

>Started with Lil Schu's shrine

>Welcome, farfarello_chan! You have just become a Member of the
>Yahoo! Club "Lil Schu's shrine"!

DA: *evil laughter* YOUR SOUL IS MINE!!
Bratt: How many exclamation points can we put in one paragraph!?

>HOW TO ACCESS YOUR CLUB___________________________________

Bratt: Uh... I guess you fill in the blank?
DA: "How to access your club: GET BENT!"

>Here are two easy ways to get to your club:
>1. Go to http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/lilschusshrine
>2. Go to http://clubs.yahoo.com/ and you'll see it on your list of

DA: Why bother with two ways?
Bratt: Yahoo wants to sound smart...

>GETTING STARTED IN YOUR CLUB______________________________

Both: Fill in the blank! Fill in the blank! La la la!

>You're a member - now what? Here are some of the cool things you can

Bratt: Escape while you still can!!
DA: (Walrus from Ren & Stimpy) Call the police...

>1. POST A MESSAGE: Post your comments and share news.

Bratt: Will do! Newsflash: We're still stuck reading SPAM!

>2. UPLOAD PHOTOS: Share pictures with family and friends.

DA: Yeah, and those nice Internet Stalkers...

>3. CHAT: Hang out with other club members.

Bratt: Or just HANG other club memebers.
DA: Dark much?
Bratt: ...I think the SPAM is finally getting to me...
DA: Hang in there, Bratt-chan. It's almost over!

>4. ADD A LINK: Share your favorite sites with club members.

Bratt: And SPAAAAAAAAAAAM the Club!
DA: ^_^ That's the spirit!

>5. INVITE A FRIEND: Send your friends e-mail invitations to join the


>6. SCHEDULE EVENTS: Use the calendar to schedule important dates.

DA: (white rabbit) I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date!

>FIVE TIPS FOR BETTER CLUBBING_____________________________

Bratt: It flatlined again...

>1. Did you know you can learn more about other club members by simply
> clicking on their name in the Members area?

DA: Nope. But does it look like I care?

>2. For quick access to all of your clubs, bookmark
> http://clubs.yahoo.com/.

Bratt: NEVAH!!!

> You'll find all of your clubs listed on the left-hand side of the
> page. Plus, you can change your membership by simply clicking on the
> Edit button.

DA: *begins looking for the Edit button*
Bratt: Uh... what are you doing?
DA: *still looking* Well, they said that you can change your membership
with the Edit button, so I was hoping that maybe the theater had one that
could get us out of here!
Bratt: ...Oy.

>3. Use Yahoo! Messenger to see when other club members are online.
> Get Yahoo! Messenger at http://messenger.yahoo.com/.

DA: Stop telling me what to do! Mommieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

>4. You can filter language in the Chat room by clicking on Preferences.
> Then select the strength of the filter you'd like to use.


>5. Have suggestions or complaints about the club?

DA: Yup! Stop trying to make us conform.
Bratt: I have a complaint... this is too damned long!!

>Contact the Founder

DA: Contact your founding fathers...
Bratt: the Founder... is that like the Collecter?
Or maybe some sort of god?
DA: *booming voice* I am... the FOUNDER!

> from your club's home page.
>COMING SOON TO YAHOO! CLUBS_______________________________

Bratt: Lots and lots of nothing!

>There are plenty of new features on the way.

DA: Heh... we just wont tell you what they are.

>Keep an eye out for them, and let us know what you think.

Bratt: (a la The Critic) It stinks! It stinks! It stinks!

>LEAVING THE CLUB__________________________________________

DA: Lemme out!!!
Bratt: Freeeeeeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom!

>We'd hate to see you go,

Bratt: So... we wont let you! *maniacal laugh*

>but if for any reason you'd like to leave
>the club, simply click on Options under the Member Tools area of your
>club. From there, click on Edit My Clubs, where you'll find a list
>of all the clubs you belong to. Simply select which club you'd like
>to leave.

Both: *search for the Member Tools area*
DA: Dammit! There's gotta be a way out of here!

>MORE INFORMATION AND HELP_________________________________

DA: Go to your shrink, consarnit!

>For a complete guide to Yahoo! Clubs, and for help with questions,
>visit the Help Center: http://help.yahoo.com/help/clubs/

Bratt: Yahoo! Help!

>Thanks again--

Both: But no thanks!

>for joining Yahoo! Clubs,
>The Yahoo Clubs Team

DA: They left out the exclamation point...
Bratt: IMPOSTERS!!! ...Or maybe this Bot wasn't
very enthusiastic...

>PLEASE NOTE_______________________________________________

Bratt: *monotone* There is no escape.

>This is a special one-time-only welcome letter sent to all new members
>of this Club.

DA: Gee, Bratt, don't you feel special?
Bratt: Oh, gee-golly-gosh! I sure do, DA!

>You have not been added to any mailing or marketing
DA: Well, that's good to know.
Bratt: La De Freakin' Da... come on,
DA, let's get outta here.
DA: Woohoo!