*Fenrir walks up onto the stage.  Kiyone, Gohan, Yosho, and Karade enter and take their seats.*


Yosho: So what do you have for us today Fenrir?


Fenrir: I have an e-mail that I got today.


Kiyone: An e-mail?


Karade: Is it another one of those horse XXX ones?


Fenrir: Errr, no.  Thankfully.  It’s uh, well I can’t even begin to describe it so I will just show it to you.


            >>If you are a time traveler or alien


Yosho, Kiyone, and Gohan: *Raise their hands.* We’re aliens.  Does this mean we can go?


Fenrir: No!


            >>and or in procession of alien


Karade: Alien bodies?  Oh those are out at Lake Groom (A.K.A. Area 51).


            >>or government technology


Yosho: Government technology?  So is that stuff invented by the government?


            >>I need  your help!


Kiyone: Well clearly you need help.


            >>My case is truly genuine!


Yosho: Genuine leather?


            >>I seek to work with someone who is of a good nature,


Kiyone: Well that’s an awkward sentence.


            >>someone I can call my savior as well as a friend.

Yosho: Well I know a minister you could call.  I think he would be better suited than the government to discuss such matters.

>>My life has been severely tampered

Karade: Let me guess Chichi still has to buy medicine with child proof tamper lids?


Gohan: That’s right!  How did you know that?


Karade: Oh, just a guess.


            >>with and cursed!!


Gohan: Ahhh!  Black magic!


            >>I have suffered tremendously and am now dying!


Kiyone: Oh great, another person who is just a tad overzealous in their use of exclamation points.

>>I need to be able to:


Gohan: Write better?


Kiyone: Stop using punctuation in the wrong ways?


Karade:  Stop sending weird e-mails? 

Yosho: Seek mental health?


            >>Travel back in time.

Gohan: You know Trunks–


Karade: We know, we don’t care.

>Rewind my life including my age back to 4.

Kiyone: Why four?  Why not three or five?


Yosho: Let’s not ask questions.


            >>I am in great danger and need this immediately!


Karade: What?  Are the men in white coats about to catch up with you?

>>I want to work with you in any way possible.


Kiyone: You know, I can understand someone wanting advance technology asking Fenrir.  I mean he is the greatest genius on Earth, but what makes this guy think Fenrir would help him?  Fenrir’s not a nice guy.

Fenrir: Hey!


            >>I am aware of two types of time travel


Karade: Forward and backward?


            >>one in physical form and the other in


Kiyone: Mental form.


            >>energy form where a snapshot of your brain is taken using either the dimensional warp


All: Huh?


Kiyone: Dimensional warp?


Yosho: I have no idea.


            >or the brain snapshot device


Karade: From the way he’s talking one would get the impression that this “brain snapshot device” is a common everyday product.


            >>and then sends your consciousness back through time to part with your younger self.


Karade: *Waves the “What the Hell?” flag.*


            >> I'm almost certain the dimensional warp would  be the safest and best solution. 


Yosho: I think we’ve found someone more insane than LQ.  This guy is freaking nuts!


            >>Please explain how safe and what your method involves.

Karade: My method involves a giant hammer, a roll of duct tape, and a package of Jello.


Kiyone: *Hums MacGyver theme.*

>>I have a time machine now, but it has limited abilities and is useless


Yosho: Okay two things.  1.  What the hell?  2.  If it had limited abilities then doesn’t that mean it has little use, not totally useless.

>>without a vortex.


Kiyone: Oh I see, all it needs is a vortex to work.  Yeah that makes a lot of sense.

            >>If you can provide information on how to create vortex generator


Karade: Well if we knew what the hell a vortex was. . .


            >>or where I can get some of the blue glowing moon crystals


All:. . . .


Karade: *Waves the “What The Hell?” flag?* What the hell is this guy on?


>>this would also be helpful. I am however concerned with the high level of radiation these crystals give off,


Kiyone: Well they are glowing.  What did you expect?


            >>if you could provide a shielding this would be helpful.


Yosho: Okay, any one have “a shielding?”


Karade: Nope.


Kiyone: No I don’t.


Gohan: I have some lint.  Does that help?


            >>I believe the vortex would have to be east-west polarized,


Kiyone: I am completely lost.  How the hell are we supposed to make jokes about something like this?


            >>North-south polarized vortexes are used for cross-dimensional time  travel only.

Yosho: Well of course. I mean that makes perfect sense.  The Earth’s spin and all that.

>>If you have this technology and can help me please send me a (SEPARATE)


Kiyone: And make sure it’s not a whole.


            >>email to:


*The others look at Karade.*


Karade: Oh no, there is no way I want this guy being able to contact me.



All: No thank you.  Freak.