*Fenrir appears on stage and the MSTers enter to the theme song of
Outlaw Star, “Through The Night” and take their seats.*
Kiyone: Hey Fenrir, before we begin can we ask you something?
Fenrir: Uh, sure. What is it?
Yosho: Well Fenrir, most of the other MST teams have a spaceship that
they fly though the universe.
Karade: And frankly we want a spaceship to.
Fenrir: A spaceship! And just
where am I supposed to find the money to buy us one of those. At least you all have a theater. Genocide and company are just locked in a
basement!
Kiyone, Yosho, and Karade: *Grumble*
Fenrir: Well anyway, today I have yet another e-mail that I received.
Kiyone: So what does this guy want?
The last one wanted advanced time traveling technology.
Fenrir: I think, and let me restate that, I think, that this guy just
wants money, but I could be mistaken.
The e-mail is awfully strange.
The really scary thing is that this isn’t spam. Mine was the only e-mail address in the
header.
All: *Unenthusiastically* Yay.
>>ATTN: THE
BENEFICIARY
Kiyone: Nooo! Not another idiot
who is overeager to use the caps lock.
Yosho: And who is “The Beneficiary?”
Sound like some pro wrestling name.
Karade: *Screaming* This Sunday On PAY PER VIEW!!! The Beneficiary takes on the mammoth Man In
Spandex!
>>Dear Sir, Your
contact
Yosho: Contact? Fancy way to say
e-mail address.
>>was discretely
sourced
Kiyone: Do I even need to mention that “sourced” is not a word?
Yosho: No that’s okay, we know.
>>for among others
with respect to your position as an international acclaimed personality;
Kiyone: Fenrir’s an internationally acclaimed personality?
Karade: What can this guy see into the future or something?
Yosho: I mean sure, WE all know that Fenrir is destined to save the world
from the forces of unholy darkness, but he really hasn’t done anything yet to
be famous for.
>>and we decided
in your favour
Yosho: Must be British.
>>as a partner for
this business proposal bearing in mind that you are of an outstanding
reputation to usher you in as the beneficiary.
Kiyone: E-Mail no make sense. No
use good suffixes.
>>However, I
repose
Gohan: Huh?
Kiyone: The thesaurus gives it as to rest or sleep. So who knows.
>>every confidence in
you concerning your status by virtue of its nature as being utterly
confidential
All: *Clutching their heads.* This makes no sense!
>>and with the
believe
Kiyone: “with the believe”. . .
Yup.
>>that you could be
fully trusted to handle this business with the degree of confidence it
deserves.
Yosho: What business are we talking about?
Karade: I don’t think we want to know.
>>I am
Karade: A freak?
Yosho: A psycho?
Kiyone: Someone who failed basic English?
Gohan: Someone dumber than me?
>>MR. IFEANYI
DANIELS
All: 0_0
Kiyone: Okay. . . So we think
this guy is from England and he has a nice normal English last name, but where
is “Ifeanyi” from?
>>an Audit
Manager
Yosho: Audit?! Fenrir, have you
not been paying your taxes?
Fenrir: I swear I gave the
government every penny it deserved.
Yosho: So basically you haven’t?
>>with the
FEDERAL MINISTRY OF PETROLEUM & NATURAL RESOURCES
All: Quit screaming at us!
>>under the
Contract Tender Committee.
Yosho: Normally I would question anyone with a title that has fifteen words in it, but this
is a government we’re talking about, they most likely just gave it to him to
kill a few more trees.
Gohan: Wow, Fenrir really doesn’t like governments does he?
Kiyone: Quite Gohan! If we get
him started on a political tirade we’ll be here for the next twelve hours!
Fenrir: Yes! One day I will
destroy all of the governments of the world and establish the Council.
Yosho: Hey Fenrir? Here’s an
anti-Sakyua site that Karade found.
Fenrir: Ohhhh. *Steals Karade’s computer and starts to look through
site his speech forgotten.*
>>My colleagues
and I in the corporation need the services/assistance of a competent,
Kiyone: Well I guess that disqualifies Fenrir.
>>trustworthy
Kiyone: Another thing to disqualify Fenrir.
>>and reputable
Kiyone: Oh, three strikes and your out!
Fenrir: Listen woman, do you want me to write a Kiyo/Miho lemon?
Kiyone: Sorry, I’ll be good.
>>foreigner or company
into whose account the sum of US $6,000,000M (Six Million United States
Dollars)
Yosho: Thanks for clarifying that.
I might not have understood that “US $” would mean United States
Dollars.
>>would be
remitted before the Deregulation of the Oil sector.
Karade: Well I know this is Kiyone’s job, but I would just like to
point out that “deregulation” and “oil” don’t need to be capitalized.
>>This fund originated
from a deliberate over-estimation of contracts that was awarded by the Ministry
Yosho: “Deliberate over-estimation?”
Sounds sort of like Enron.
>>to foreign
companies for drilling, excavation and spot lifting of black gold
Karade: Texas Tea
Yosho: Then the kin folk said Jed move away from there.
Gohan: So they backed up their bags and move to Beverly, Hills that is.
Kiyone: Damn we’re a strange group.
>>(Crude oil) in
Portnovo located in the tiny Republic of Benin.
Karade: Sadly a real place. We
could of had a lot of fun if it hadn’t been.
>>Since, they
are not members of the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Country,
Kiyone: Well since Benin is in the Western part of Africa I wouldn’t
really expect it to be in OPEC.
>>they requested
for our Ministry's (Federal Ministry of Petroleum & Natural Resources)
Kiyone: Yeah, you already told us about your little “ministry.”
Gohan: At least this time they weren’t screaming at us.
>>assistance. This
fund has been lying unclaimed at the Accounts Department of the Ministry
because it has neither a beneficiary nor any file with the corporation.
Fenrir: Well while we are talking about corporations. I would like to mention the “Happy Fun-Fun
Time Corp.” The finest provider of
Biological and Chemical weapons, Mind Altering Drugs, and Ice Cream for
hundreds of years.
>>It is within this
framework, that we have resolved to usher you in as the beneficiary of this
fund by Legally subcontracting the entitlement to you or your company based on
agreement with you.
Karade: *Waves “What The Hell?” flag.*
>>Moreover, the need
to contact you or your company is deemed fit because the contracts were
executed by foreign firms and the money cannot go into indigenous accounts
Yosho: Well of course. That
makes perfect sense.
>>because the
Code of Conduct (COC)
Karade: *Bursts out laughing*
Kiyone: *Reads last line again.
Sighs* Pervert. . .
>>of the Federal
Civil Servants here (Nigeria)
Yosho: Okay so I guess this guy isn’t from England. Since Fenrir’s ancestors were from England I
bet he will be happy to hear this. *Fenrir is still looking at the website on
Karade’s computer.*
>>restrict us to a
certain level of Banking facilities which does not allow us to operate a
Domiciliary account; however, it is imperative to usher you in as a foreign
partner so as to avoid suspicion
Kiyone: Hmmm, you know, if I didn’t know better I would think these
people were trying to do something illegal.
>>from
unconcerned quarters
Yosho: And what about unconcerned pennies and dimes?
>>and most
importantly, for fear of loosing our jobs.
Kiyone: “Loosing” = Not a word!
>>Meanwhile, the
original contractors of these projects had since collected their supposed payments
accordingly after the commissioning of their works.
Karade: Can we go back to the guy who wanted Fenrir to send him time
travel equipment? That guy made more
sense than this stuff.
>>Now, we want to
remit this over-estimated amount to a reliable overseas account for our
personal use
Yosho: Huh? I thought they were
giving this money to Fenrir?
>>and for investments
opportunities. All the certificates and proper documentation to effect the
transfer shall be provided to you for your perusal upon your pledge to do this
business with us.
Kiyone: Yeah, I mean if they have documentation it just has to be
legal.
>>Subsequently, your
support will enable us make applications and lodge claims to the Ministry's
Agencies enabling you to fit in as the beneficiary for the claims.
Gohan: So once Fenrir does all this stuff, then you pay him. Right. . .
>>Please, be
informed that this business is closely knitted
Karade: Like a sweater?
>>and 100% hitch
free
Kiyone: Oh yes, we believe you.
>>and so entails
absolute confidentiality and in case you are not interested to assist, keep it
to yourself.
Yosho: So by sending us out of MST this Fenrir kind of broke this
little part.
>>Your quick
response upon your Expression Of Interest (EOI)
Kiyone: Hmmm, inappropriate acronyms.
Check.
>>will enable me stop
further search for a beneficiary. Reply through email for further briefing on
how to commence this transaction.
Yosho: Let me guess, you are going to require a large chunk of money up
front right?
Karade: Most likely, I ran a scam like this a few years back.
>>I look forward to
hearing from you and your cooperation would be highly acknowledged.
Yosho: I thought they wanted to keep this all hush-hush?
>>Best regards,
MR.IFEANYI DANIELS
All: Freak.