*Karade, Lyn and Shibby walk into the theater.*
Karade: So what horrible thing do you have for us today Fenrir?
Fenrir: It's a Final Fantasy Seven lemon.
Lyn: *blandly* Joy.
Shibby: (disturbingly enthusiastic) YAY!

    >Sephiroth, Meteor, Holy, Then ...

Karade: Some more crap.
Shibby: And stuff happened.  It was bad.

    >by: Al-I-Bus

Lyn: What kind of name is that?


Karade: *types for a few minutes* Viruses away.
Shibby: *thwacks Karade* No! That's what got us in trouble the last time!


Karade: This story sucks, blah, blah, blah.

    >This is a lemon fanfic.

Lyn: *blandly again* Yay.

    >It contains profanity,

Karade: Ah, fudge.
Shibby: Fuck you, buddy!

    >pornographic material,

Lyn: Yeah, we kind of got that from the lemon part.
Shibby: Yay! Bad porn! ...Oh god, make it stop. -_-

    >and other things that could offend a person of a soft nature.

Lyn: I'm offended already.
Shibby: A Downy Soft nature?

    >If you would like to read it

Karade: I would not.

    >and are over the age of 18

Lyn: I'm only six months old.  Can I leave?
Fenrir:  No.
Lyn: Drat.

    >please continue.  If you do not fulfill any of those requirements, then get the hell out of here now.

Karade: What if we fill some of those requirements, but not others?
Lyn: Quit asking questions.

    >Losers you won't read this anyway.

Karade: Why is he calling his readers losers?
Lyn: Who knows.  And if only we were losers.  Then we wouldn't have to sit through this crap.
Karade: Ah, the curse of being cool.
Shibby: ......................

    >Have fun with it,

Karade: I think that's an invention to MST it.  Don't you guys?
Shibby: Ew, I sure hope so...

    >distribute with discretion, and E-mail me with comments.

Karade: Or viruses, either one.  Right?
Shibby: No! *looks around, paranoid* I don't want anyone hunting me down...

    >Oh yeah this is part two of "Their First Time"

Lyn: So there was more crap before this?  Good thing we got out of having to read that.
Karade: Quiet.  You'll give them ideas.
Shibby: (a la Homer) Shuuut uuup....

    >The sun glinted off the twisted mass of metal

Lyn: They had all died in a horrible car wreck.  The end.
Karade: Or not.

    >that lay on the Midgar planes.

Karade: Planes?  So did ShinRa build a copy of the Tiny Bronco?
Lyn: Or did the author mean "plains"?
Shibby: Nah, they're just chillin' on some Midgar planes.

    >A soft wind blew, swirling dust and filth around.  Suddenly an arm pokes through the debris.

Lyn: Such odd punctuation.
Shibby: I'd be more worried about that mystery arm if I were you....
Lyn:  Well...yeah.

    >Cloud Strife pulled himself out of the wrekage

Karade: Out of the what?

    >of what had been the Highwind and looked around.

Lyn: *sighs* If there's one thing I hate, it's rapid tense switching action.
Shibby: But it's FUN FUN FUN!
Lyn:  No!  It's DUMB DUMB DUMB!

    >He could not see anything, but metal and broken glass all around him.  It was terrible.

Karade: Just like the story?  No, wait.  That's too easy.
Shibby: Oh no it's not...

    >For a minute he didn't uunderstand

Karade: Well I don't uuuunderstand this story.
Lyn: Now, now.  It's not right to make fun of someone just because they stutter.
Karade: Maybe not, but it's funny.

    >what had hapened,

Lyn: *quickly*  Left out a ‘p'.
Shibby: No, it's a new word! It's the language of lemons!
Karade:  Ah, lemons.  They add more words to the 'engrish' language than anything else.

    >then when he remembered about Holy and Sephiroth and everything that had happened he wondered for a moment if he was     the last remaining person on the planet.

Karade: Damn, what a run on sentence.
Shibby: Yes, everyone else was dead.  No lemon.  The end.

    >"TIFA!!!" he immediately thought.

Lyn: Do you scream in your mind?
Karade: Only when Fenrir won't feed us.
Shibby: O_o

    >Cloud bent over

Karade: *snicker*
Shibby: Whoa!

    >the pile of twisted and charred metal he had just emerged from and began digging through it...

Lyn: At least he wasn't digging "threw" it.
Karade: And how many people are going to get that joke?
Lyn: That just makes it better.

    >Two weeks later Cloud, Tifa, and everyone else lay recovering in Cosmo Canyon.

Shibby: Damn! It took him two weeks to dig through that?

    >It had taken Cloud the better part of two days to find all of his companions in the wreckage of the Highwind.

Shibby: Well.  Never mind then.
Karade: During that time he didn't eat or sleep.
Lyn: That's not even a joke.
Karade: Eh, what are you going to do.

    >Luckily, not long after he started looking he came upon Barret,

Shibby: EWWWW!

    >who was just recovering from the crash.  With his help, and determination to say the least, they had rescued         everyone from the rubble.

Lyn: Damn this is boring.
Shibby: Are we allowed to smoke in the theater?

    >Tifa was ok,

Karade: Gee, what a surprise.
Shibby: I really don't care.

    >just a few nicks and bruises, but Cloud had suffered from a massive blow

Karade: *snicker*
Shibby: heehee!

    >to the head

Shibby: O_o;;; ...it really does sound like he...*trails off*

    >and had collapsed as sooon

Karade: Again with the stuttering?  And what did they do theeeeen?
Shibby: Stuuuuuuuuff.  Lots of boooooring stuuuuuuff.

    >as the party started towards Kalm,

Shibby: Woooo! Paaaar-tay!

    >which somehow magically had been spared destruction ( metal from what had been Midgar lay all around the town).

Lyn: Random plot device?
Karade: Who knows, or cares.
Shibby: I'm with thief-boy on that.

    >Barret and Cid managed to drag Cloud to the inn in Kalm, and once he had recovered
    sufficiently, they all proceeded to Cosmo Canyon.

Lyn: Okay, so Cloud was the first one up and then he magically remembers that he had a head wound?
Shibby: Well, he IS blond...

    >Although they had been strengthened somewhat, they probably wouldn't have made
    the long journey

Karade: So you don't think a level 60 something party could make it, even half wounded, to Cosmo Canyon?

    >if it wasn't for some help from whjat

Karade: Whjat a strange word that is.
Lyn: Whjat you talking about Karade?  Oh, yeah.

    >would be new friends.  At the port in Junon, the enterogue

Lyn: *sigh* Please, just stick with "party."
Karade: So what about Gambit?  Does he also enter?
Shibby: *snicker*

    >had stumbled across Reno, Rude, and Elena.

Karade: They had just been lying in the street.

    >Expecting an attack fo

Lyn: Is that a Mr. T tribute?
Karade: I pity the foo.
Shibby: Mister T!! Yay!

    >some sorts they were surprised, and one was jealous, when Elena grabbed Cloud in a tight embrace and shouted "I'm     glad you guys are safe!!!!!".

Karade: And just to make sure we get that she was excited the author adds a few dozen exclamation points.
Shibby: Ow, my freakin' ears!

    >It turned out that the Turks had been waiting for a week and a half at Junon for Cloud and his team to help them out     with rebuilding the world.

Lyn: I think that island went over there on the right.
Shibby: That's one huge job...

    >Cloud lay in his bed, happy with the whole situation.

Karade: Yeah, most of the world gets destroyed, I'd be happy with that situation.

    >In a little while Cloud and Tifa would travel across the sea into Costa Del Sol, where

Lyn: Some more boring crap will happen?
Karade: That would be my guess.
Shibby: AHHH!! This fic SUCKS!

    >they would stay at THEIR Villa for a while.

Lyn: Is that a new hotel?  Or was the author just trying to make sure we knew you could buy that house in the town?
Shibby: Whoa, a realestate agent for Costa Del Sol is advertising in a lemon!

    >after that Cloud would go around, with Reno and attempt to get

Shibby: Gil by pimping Reno out?

    >all of the towns to join in allegance

Karade: Hmm?  "Allegance"?  Don't these people have a spell checker?
Lyn: I think the answer to that is quite clear.
Shibby: Is that anything like elegance?

    >with him in an attempt to form a nation of sorts.

Karade: So Cloud wants to be emperor of the world now huh?

    >But as for right now he simply lay in his room in Cosmo Canyon.

Lyn: If only he could have stayed that way.

    >Footsteps echoed on the stone outside in the hallway, and a voice came through the curtain to his room;

Karade: Ahhhh!  It's a ghost!
Shibby: Deeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaath!!!

    >" I hope your undressing

Lyn: Is he anti ranch?  Or maybe anti thousand island.
Karade: I'm hoping for anti french myself.

    >Cloud, cuz I'm cumming in."

Lyn: Oh....my.....
Karade: That's about the dumbest thing I've heard in a fanfic....this month at least.
Shibby: Let the bad porn begin!

    >Tifa strolled into the room seconds later wearing her customary tight t-shirt andlittle

Lyn: Yes, yes.  We all know Tifa dresses like a hooker.  No reason to go over it again.
Shibby: It's fanservice. -_- Get used to it...
Lyn:  Aye, it's not going to end anytime soon.  But what the hell is 'andlittle'?  Is that the brand name of the t-shirt?

    Cloud felt all of the blood rush somewhere immediately,

Lyn: *innocently* Gee, and where might that be?
Shibby: It's that head wound... he's bleeding to death.

    >and it didn't go unnoticed.  "Hey Cloud!" Tifa teased, "if I didn't know you loved me I'd think you were just some     guy who was going to go into the bathroom to relieve pressure as soon as I left."

Karade: I really didn't need to hear that.
Shibby: *sputters* What--but--the HELL?? Who SAYS that!?

    >Cloud grinned up at her from his bed and retorted "Please, youi

Lyn: I thought he was talking to Tifa?

    >think your effecting me, see the truth is I really have to pee bad and..."

Karade: What the hell is this!?  I mean....really!
Shibby: ...It's hit a new low.

    >He duck quickly as Tifa threw a pillow at him.

Lyn: Too bad the pillow had a grenade in it.  They all died.
Karade: In this story it wouldn't surprise me.

    >She ran up to the bed and started playfully tapping him on the head and shoulders.

Karade: The hell?  That's....odd.
Shibby: She's checking for hollow spots? Maybe seeing if he's ripe?

    >Cloud reached out and grabbed one of her

Lyn: No, no, no!


Lyn: Whew.

    >pulling her down on top of him.  Tifa smiled and kissed him softly on each cheek

Karade: Ewww.....
Lyn: *cough* I think they were talking about his face.
Shibby: I HOPE they are.

    >and then on the nose.  She finally wrapped him up in a big bear hug.

Karade: Cloud passed out from the pain.

    >"This is heaven honey" Cloud whispered in Tifa's ear"

Lyn: I thought they were in Costa del Sol?
Karade: I think they're in Cosmo Canyon.
Lyn:   Ah, they keep teleporting around so much...
Shibby: Mmmmm.... honey....

    >They cuddled for a while before falling asleep in each others arms.

Karade: If only it could end that way.

    >A few hours later something woke Cloud up.  He looked up and saw Tifa's brown hair moving up and down over his     shaft.

Lyn: *blinks* But Cloud uses a sword!  Not arrows!  Clearly someone who has never played the game.
Shibby: SHAFT! He's one bad mutha--ah, you know the drill.

    >After a few more sucks and licks with her mouth,

Lyn: As opposed to what?
Karade: Best not to ask.
Shibby: How many licks does it take to get to the center of Cloud's--no. I will show some self restraint.  I won't lower myself to that level of... ahhh! *sob*
Lyn:  Well none really.  Just bite down.
Karade:  Ack!

    >Cloud felt his dick enlarge in her mouth.

Karade: Thus killing Tifa.  Can we go now?  No?
Shibby: O_o What a way to go...
Lyn:  *melting*  What a world!  What a world!

    >Tifa, eagerly wanting his load, milked him

All: Mooooo!
Shibby: (Ned Flanders) I hate to be a needy Neddy, but.... miiiiilk meeeee!

    >faster and harder with her mouth.  As Cloud burst

Karade: Into tiny pieces.  The End!
Lyn: Enough!  We get the idea Karade.
Karade: Awww.

    >he saw stars and then felt Tifa sucking him dry.  "What was that for" he asked locking

Shibby: Her up and throwing away the key?

    >his sea green eys

Lyn: Hmm?
Karade: Must be some new kind of weapon.  Tifa had better run!
Shibby: No! If she stays, he can kill her and the story will end! ...That, or it'll enter the strange and disturbing realms of necrophelia...
Karade:  Mmmm...  Ain't nothing like cracking open a cold one.

    >on her hazel ones.  " I love you" Tifa said to him and reached up and kissed him long and hard on the mouth.  Their     tounges danced

Lyn: Well I don't know what ‘tonuges' are, but a least they're happy.
Shibby: They can dance, too!

    >as they explored each others mouths.

Shibby: Going where no man had gone before...

    >After a while Tifa broke away and told Cloud that she woke up, he was hard, and she was horny.

Karade: *smacks head*
Lyn: That about sums it up.
Shibby: The premisis of 90% of all pornos?

    >She had wanted to let him release some of the juice he had been saving for her since that magical evening now three     weeks ago.  

Shibby: He was SAVING it?? O_o In little cups or something?

    >They hadn't been alone together, and Cloud hadn't been alone really at all,

Karade: So Cloud has been going to the bathroom in groups for three weeks?  Why does that not surprise me in this story?


Lyn: Huh?

    >the healing, then the planning.  Tifa had been able to get some free time, and she used her fingers to let herself     down a little bit,

Lyn: Gee, thanks for sharing.
Shibby: More than I need to know!

    >but poor Cloud.  She asked him what was going to happen.  Cloud explained how they would go to their new home, the     Villa in Costa Del Sol,

Shibby: THEIR Villa.

    >and stay their for a time

Shibby: Stay their what??

    >before he had to try and unite the world so no one would ever abuse the planed again.

Karade: How is someone going to abuse the "planed"?  Planing is a act.  You can't really abuse an act really.
Lyn: Either that or the author meant ‘planet'.
Karade: True, and what's up with this whole, "unite the planet" thing anyway?
Shibby: Who cares!? I call for intermission!!