*Fade In*  Pilaf, and his two minions Mai and Shou enter the theater.  The three march down and take their seats.

Pilaf: So what are we going to see today?  It had better be something good.

Shou: Well sire, we are going to be reading a story about an author who inserted her self into a story.  It also involves that little monkey boy we hate so much.

Pilaf: Well that doesn’t sound interesting. *Gets up to leave.  Discovers that the door is locked.*  What is this?  Imbeciles!  Get up here and open this door right now!

Mai and Shou attempt to open the door but are unable to get it open.

Mai: Think of it like this emperor.  This fic will give us an attempt to use our latest weapon.  It’s a “scouter.”  With it we can detect a variety of different things.  That and monkey boy dies.

Pilaf: Well I suppose this might be okay.


    >>Alt DBZ

Pilaf: What is that?  Is it like where you push Alt + Tab on a computer to switch screens?

Mai: Perhaps it means “Alternative.”

Shou: If the author is that lazy in the title of the fic then I really dread what is to come.

>>by metdeath@hotmail.com

Pilaf: I thought this was a Dragonball Z fic!  Why is the author talking about killing mets?  Those are Megaman enemies.

    >>The Legal Shit

Shou: Yeah, that sucks.  The police catch you relieving your self in the park one time and they are all over you.

Mai: I really could have gone without knowing about that.

    >>No legal action should be taken,

Pilaf:  I agree.  Let’s not sue the author.  Let’s blow them up!



    >>I have nothing.

Pilaf: It’s always nice when the author admits they don’t have any writing skills right up front.

    >>I wish I owned the best action anime ever,

Shou: And what would that be?

Mai: I think he means Dragonball Z.

Shou: But it isn’t!  I mean, it’s okay and all.  But since the great Emperor isn’t in it . . .

Pilaf: How true Shou.

Mai: Quit kissing ass Shou.

    >>but I don't!

Mai:  And there was much rejoicing.

    >>Anyway, this starts when Radus was on Earth.

Pilaf: Who the hell is this “Radus” person?

Shou: Perhaps the author meant “Raditz”

Mai: But it isn’t even phonetically close.
 
    >>Radus couldn't believe what was about to happen to him.

Shou: Here he was, about to win the Miss America pageant.  It had been a life long dream.

    >>His own brother was going to sacrifice himself in order to kill him.

Pilaf: I always said Goku was an idiot.

    >>All Radus can do is watch the Namic

Mai: Namek.

>>power up for his finisher. Then life slows down and an energy beam hits all three parties concerned in the fight.



Mai: The Mary Sue reading just went off the charts!

    >>All three fighters get up to see this tall, blond sayan

Mai: *Sigh*

    >>with a red scouter over her left eye.

Shou: Oh she just had to have a special color one didn’t she?

>>"Radus, you big goof! They'll just use their shitty ass dragon balls

Pilaf: Well if they’re so “Shitty Ass,” as she so eloquently put it, then I’d be happy to take them off her hands.

>>to bring Cakerot

All: *Burst out laughing*

Shou: So is that Piemold’s cousin or something?

    >>back to life. Freeza

Mai: *Gasps* A character name spelled right?!?!  WHAT?!!

>>does not want his time wasted on this." the girl said.
>>"I apologize Lily,

Pilaf: “Lily” really doesn’t sound like a Saiyan name.

Shou: Perhaps it’s like Bob the Elf in a Lord of the Rings fic.

    >>please, don't bring the wrath of your father on me!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

Mai: What was the question there?

>>he begs.
"Get up you blubbering baby. This is not the way a true warrior
defeats opponents." she says powering up an energy blast.

Shou: Yeah, real warriors shoot people, not stand and fight them face to face.

>>"You aren't going to destroy this planet are you?" Radus screams in terror.
"No, you simple minded fool. I need a place to live after Freeza dies.

Pilaf: And of the thousands of planets in the galaxy this is the one that you picked?

>>I'm just doing what you can't, destroying your brother. Tell them what my
full power level is." she says.
"10 trillion!" he screams.

Mai: Well since the best speculations put Goku’s power level at five billion at the end of the series.

Shou: In other words . . .  

All: Ridiculously Overpowered!

>>Piccolo's eyes widen at that level of energy.
One split second, Goku is killed.

Pilaf: Ack!  The author forgot a word there I think.

>>Every single atom destroyed. Lily smiles at this and turns to Radus.
"Now, you!" she says and destroys Radus as well.

Mai: These Saiyans just aren’t nice people.

>>She walks over to the whimpering Gohan and scoops him up into her arms.
"I'm taking the kid, so tell his mother that her son is gone and that
her husband is dead."

Shou: So Gohan has been kidnapped again?  Same old, same old.

    she says and instant transmits back into her orbiting craft.
Lily roughly puts Gohan in a seat in the cockpit.
"Shut up, you little brat. I've gotta contact my father." she says

Pilaf: But he didn’t say anything.

>>snapping at the whimpering Gohan.
Gohan tries to calm down, but it is hard because he has just seen this sayan kill his own father.

Mai: But you see, the thing is.  When someone Gohan loves dies, he tends to go insane with rage and start blowing things up.  Not sit around whimpering.


>>"Lily, why did you have to go and destroy Radus?! He did not do a thing to you." Vegeta said.

Shou: Well that’s really out of character for Vegeta.

>>"Of all people you should know Freeza the best. He hates anything of his to be wasted.

Mai: So why did you kill “Radus” then?

>>It would be a waste of time to go to earth. They'll just use their one wish to bring back Cakerot." Lily said.
"Ok, you got me on the Freeza thing, but what about the boy!?" Vegeta
said.

Shou: Of course the Mary Sue is ALWAYS right.

>>"I need a mate.." she says.

Pilaf: And what’s better than a five year old.

>>"You are the galaxy's biggest hore!" Vegeta says.

Mai: What’s a “hore”?

>>"I think he can be trained to get up around my level. Remember, sayans
are know best for three things, fighting, fucking, and eating."

Pilaf: Well they weren’t before, but whatever you say.

>>she says.
"Alright, we will rendezvous with you in a year. We will just go to Earth just to see how they'll fight." Vegeta says and breaks the link with his daughter.

Shou: What’s the point?  “Lily” can kill everyone in the entire series with one attack.

>>Lily turns to the kid and get wet with anticipation. "He's so cute.

Mai: Yeah, well he’s still five or so.  That means you’re a sick freak Lily.

>>He'll understand why later."

Pilaf: Too bad we won’t.

>>she says to herself as she strips off her clothes and grabbing Gohan by the collar and dragging him to the bed.
"You are the only decent sayan left in the universe. You may find this disgusting,

All: Well we do.

>>but you'll get use to it because you have no choice. I will take you as my permanent mate." she says taking Gohan's clothes off.

Shou: So Lily get’s her kicks from raping children?  Someone should really be keeping an eye on this author.

>>Lily grabs Gohan's head and shoves it between her legs.

Pilaf: It was then that she realized that she had just decapitated Gohan.  THE END!

Mai: If only.

"Lick me you little monkey or I will break your neck with my legs!" she yells.

Shou: How pleasant.

>>The little boy has no choice but to lick the ocean that is Lily's fuck hole.

Mai: “Ocean”?  Well that’s a new one.

Shou and Pilaf: Well, just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale.  The tale of a fateful ship.
>>She loosens her legs so that Gohan knows that he's doing right.
"Good boy, your learning." she says running a hand through his hair.

Mai: Because all five year old kids learn stuff like this real fast.

She feels him shove his tongue deep into her. "Oh fuck yes!" she says as she comes all over Gohan's face.

Mai: Well if she’s going to rape him, at least she’s quick about it.

>>"Good Gohan, now suck the galaxy's largest tits!"

Pilaf: Was there a contest?  I want to be a judge!

    >>she says grabbing Gohan and impaling his mouth onto her right tit.

Mai: Well that makes a lot of sense.

>>She grabs one of Gohan's hands and makes him rub and fondle the other.  After about 15 minutes of tit playing, she throws Gohan onto the bed and spreads his legs.

Shou: So far that they snapped off.

    >>"Since you were so good, your dick is going inside my mouth!" she says

Mai: Stand in awe of the stupidity.

>>and inserts the soft thing into her mouth.

Pilaf: What “soft thing” was it?  A cream puff?  I really like those.  Mai!  Shou!  Go get me a cream puff!

Mai: We’re locked in here.  Remember?

Pilaf: Oh right.



    >>She notices that the brat's dick is about 6 inches long.

Mai: Like most five year olds.

    >>She moans and she continues the blowjob.

Shou: Lily really is the galaxy’s biggest “hore”.

>>Gohan moans and grunts and he shoots a load into Lily's mouth.

Pilaf: I don’t think five year olds are physically able to do that.

>>She retreats from Gohan's dick and starts to lick up her juices off of Gohan's face. She then sits Gohan between her legs and forcefully guides the small cock into her. Gohan can feel Lily's vaginal walls pulling his cock in deeper. It felt like she was trying to swallow Gohan through the vagina.

Shou: Well knowing this fucked up story, which wouldn’t surprise me.

>>Finally, after hours of fucking the little boy,

Mai: Right . . .

>>they both came. Gohan collapses onto the bed. Lily smiles at a job well done.
"Yes, finally something to cure this sayan heat. He'll be alright, but
how in the hell am I going to explain this to Freeza?" she asks herself as
she lays beside Gohan and falls asleep.

Pilaf:  Why does she have to explain anything to Freeza?  With a power level of ten trillion she can blow up several galaxies.

>>A year later, Vegeta and Napa find themselves on Earth. They kill most of the special forces. Vegeta was about to fight Goku when he hears Lily's ship land.

Shou: But I thought she kept her ship in space and just teleported to it at will.

>>"Father!!! We've got no time for fooling around on this planet. We must get to planet Namick to help those stupid ginues find the namick dragon balls!" Lily said.

All: *Do a Ginyu pose*

>>"That damned asshole, I'll have his head one day." Vegeta says as he grabs Napa and drags him to the other two ships.

Mai: Well I won’t even go into the whole “Napa” issue.

>>"Where's my son you slut!" Goku yells at Lily.
"Right here dad," a voice says coming out of Lily's ship.
"Gohan," Goku says shocked to see his son with blue eyes and blond
hair.
"I'm now living as a super saiyan. A level of power that you'll never reach as long as you have such a loud mouth for a wife." Gohan says.

Pilaf: What does Chichi have to do with Goku’s power level?

>>"I know Chichi can be a pain, but"
"But nothing! I don't wanna be the wimpiest sayan in the entire galaxy! If you wanna find me, I'll be on Namick, trying to find a way to stab Freeza in the back." he says and all the sayans leave.

Shou: Again, why do they need to stab Freeza in the back?  Lily can just blow him up from Earth.

>>The Sayans reach planet Namic. They stand beside the ginue force. Freeza was standing in front of them ready to bark orders.

Pilaf: How nice of the author to give us all these clear details! *Pulls out some action figures.*  Okay, now this one stands here.  And this one stands over there.

>>"Alright all but one of you will go find those dragon balls. Lily, you will stay with me. You are the only being in the universe that can summon the dragon without the password." Freeza says.

All: But of course.
    >>The others fly off in different directions to find the dragon balls.
Meanwhile, up in space, Goku, Krillin and Bulma are in a ship heading for planet Namic. Krilin was asleep in front of the auto pilot system,

Pilaf: Well, isn’t that convenient.

>>Goku was pacing around, and Bulma was in her bed.  As Goku paces, he hears a weird noise from Bulma's bedroom. He quietly opens the door to see her laying on the bed naked with a 15-inch dildo being moved in and out of her.

Mai: So someone else was in there moving it?  Or is it just magic?

>>Goku just stands there and stares. He'd never seen Chichi use something like that. Chichi had only given it to him once, and that caused the birth of Gohan.

Shou: Sure, we believe that don’t we guys?

Others: *Nod*

>>Goku stared at Bulma's naked form. She wasn't overly built like Chichi, but she did have more of an hourglass figure.

Pilaf: Too bad all the sand ran out of her head years ago.

    >>Goku's dick started to power up.

Mai: *laughs* Does it shoot Kamehameha waves?

>>Bulma finally notices, but does not scream. She can plainly see the bulge in his pants. She had always wanted to know what would it be like to fuck Goku.

Shou: Naturally.  I mean in a lemon story, who doesn’t?

>>She would never say it out loud, but she was jealous of Chichi. She had a fuck toy, but Chichi would never use it. Bulma thought that she should play with it. So she throws the dildo on the floor and curls her finger at him.
Shou *As Bulma*: So then I throw sandwich down.  Then me pick it back up.

>>He has no choice but to come over to her. She starts rubbing the monster that was in his pants.

Mai *As Goku*:  There’s a monster in my pants!?! *Starts firing energy blasts into his pants.* Die monster!

>>"Damn that son of a bitch! That dick is longer than most of the dildos I've ever used." she thought to herself.

Pilaf: Because as we all know, in lemons all aliens must be better endowed than humans.

>>Goku strips off all his clothing. Bulma screams in her mind and she sees the 16-inch battering ram.

Shou: Well that’s nothing.  At this one siege in France they used a battering ram that was 100 feet long and took twenty men to lift.

    >>She almost comes just because of the site of it.

Mai: Well you see it was positioned up on a hill next to a river.  Oh, sorry.  I think the author meant “sight.”

>>Goku lays himself gently onto Bulma.

Pilaf: Hold it.  What the hell does a Goku/Bulma sex scene do to advance the plot?

Mai: Plot?  Sir, I don’t think there is a plot.

    >>He maybe lusting, but he does not wanna hurt her.

Shou: Does talking like a cave man help in that?

    >>Bulma raps her arms around him

Mai *As Bulma’s arms*: Well we’re Bulma’s arms and we’re here to say...

    >>and starts to kiss him under the neck.

Pilaf: So his chest basically?

>>Goku moans in pleasure and she makes her way down to the towering dick. She opens her mouth and swallows half of the sayan

Mai: That was when Goku realized that Bulma was really a demon that was going to eat him.

>>soldier's cock. She relaxes her throat and takes him in as deep as she can. She glides her tongue under the fore skin and starts licking every swelled up artery. Goku grabs her by the hair and starts to face fuck Bulma.

Shou: Unfortunately, being a saiyan and all, Goku split Bulma’s head in half.  THE END!
 
>>Finally, after what seemed forever,

Shou: But was really only about five minutes.  Hey if you hadn’t had sex in five years...

>>Goku flooded Bulma's mouth with sayan sperm. She pulls the dick out of her mouth, but the thing is still at full mast. "What the fuck!? This can't be right. He should be getting softened, but he's not. Are Sayans longer fuckers than humans?

Pilaf: Didn’t I already tell you about the cliche?

    >>Well, let's find out." she thought to herself as she slithered up Goku's body.

Mai: Like the snake demon that she was.

>>"Alright, ya gave my mouth some exercise, so let's see how long you can go." she says and impales herself onto the massive rod.

Shou: *Sigh* It just wouldn’t be a lemon if someone didn’t get “impaled”

>>She had no hymen because she broke that with her first vibrator. She comes just
because of the forced entry. She recovers and raps her legs around him.

Mai: Sadly the rap group “Bulma’s arms” and the group “Bulma’s legs” have a long standing blood feud.

>>"Ok, this will be the best sex of your life Goku," she says starting to ride the massive meat stick.
"I bet it will," he replies and starts a rhythm with her. Bulma suffers through orgasm after orgasm.

Pilaf: Yeah, that sounds like torture all right.

    >>Her Vaginal walls

Shou: Well, well.  That gets a capital letter and all.  Must be important.

Mai: I don’t think anything in this story could be classed as “important”.

>>start to clamp down on Goku, but his dick is stronger than that. Then it reaches a point in which Goku can move his cock. So with every ounce of strength he pushes trying to go as deep into her as possible.

Pilaf: If Goku uses “every ounce of strength” wouldn’t that kill her?

>>"Ah fuck, your making my pussy sour you fucking sayan bastard."

Shou: Hmm...  But wasn’t it her idea to do this?

>>she says coming from about the ninth time. Then she sees Goku's eyes turn blue
and his hair starts to flash gold.  Then the transformation hits him.

Pilaf: Saiyan’s eyes turn green, not blue.

    >>He becomes a super sayan. His cock overpowers her vaginal muscles

Mai: And Bulma dies?  Hmm, well isn’t that nice.

    >>and he berries himself to the hilt.

Pilaf: What kind of berry was it?  Raspberry?  Strawberry?  Tell me!

Mai: It’s best not to ask questions.

>>He comes deep inside of her. Gallons of sayan sperm filled her belly. He falls down beside Bulma and goes to sleep.
"Fuck! Why doesn't Chichi do him more often?" she screams in her mind as she cuddles against the strongest man on earth.

Shou: But they are in a space ship.  Not on Earth.

>>The next day, Krilin opens the door to see Bulma and his best friend naked and in her cabin.
"This is one of those days where I should have stood in bed." Krilin says and walks off.

Mai: So Krillin sleeps standing up?

>>"Come on Napa, we haven't got all day!" Vegeta says as Napa is forced to move a rock with more weight on it than Napa can move.

Pilaf: Oh come one.  I know Nappa isn’t all that strong, but I’m sure he could at least move a rock.

Shou: One should also ask as to why they are sitting around playing with rocks.

>>"This is how ya move a rock," Gohan says powering up a blast and destroying the rock.
"Show off!" Napa says.
"At least I got the rock off the dragon ball, now let's go!" Gohan says.
”Lily has been teaching you well young sayan." Vegeta says as he picks up the dragon ball and the three leave.

    >>A day later, the three finally make their way to Namick.

All: Huh?

Shou: Which three?  You just said that the three leave.  But those three were already on Namek.  And now they arrive on it?  Do you see how all that’s confusing?

>>"Stay here Bulma, Freeza and the other sayans are here. We will get the balls and wish our friends back to life." Goku says as he and Krilin take off.  Looks like four of the seven are already in one location, and the others are heading that way." as well!" Krilin says looking at the dragon radar.
"Well, we have no choice but to go where the balls will be." Goku says.

Pilaf: That’s right Goku.  Use the Force.  Trust the balls.
 
>>as the two take off faster towards where all seven dragon balls will be gathered.
Vegeta, Gohan, and Napa fly over where Bulma's ship was. Napa saw that look in Vegeta's eyes.
"Gohan, go on with the ball. Tell Freeza that I'll be there soon. I wanna have a little fun with an Earth female." Vegeta says and lands outside the ship.
    "come on Napa, we've got a job ta do." Gohan barks and the two head for Freeza's ship.

Shou: Who sees where this one is going?

All: *Raise hands*

>>Vegeta was circling the ship like a shark ready to attack. He found an opening and went in. He heard Bulma moaning in pleasure. When he found her, he saw her sitting in the pilot's chair with a vibrator shoved up her cunt.

Shou: Bulma just can’t keep her pants up can she?

    >>Vegeta activates his scouter and sets it for sexual energy.

All: *Burst out laughing*

Mai: That’s the dumbest thing yet!
Shou: But wait, there’s more.

    >>He sees a number that makes Vegeta's cock shoot up.

Pilaf: So Vegeta is aroused by numbers?  Freak.

Mai: True, but who is using the scouter?  If it was Vegeta wouldn’t it use the pronoun “his”?

>>"Damn, that's enough for two sayans to fuck her at once." Vegeta thinks as he stands behind her. He gets up as close to the chair as possible and lets his tail slither around Bulma's ass.

Shou: Is that another rap group?

    >>He then enters her um the ass.

Mai: Is the author not sure?

>>Bulma whimpers, but does not turn around because she is scared of who she may find. Vegeta grabs her up and take her to the bedroom.

Mai: Argh.  This grammar is giving me a headache.

>>"Now I'm going to show you have a real sayan fucks some."

Pilaf:  fucks some what?  Cows?

>>Vegeta says shoving Bulma down onto the bed. He spreads her legs as far apart as
possible and then with all his strength rams his cock into Bulma's snatch.

Shou: Same deal as with Goku, if they use all their strength then, Bulma will die!

>>This action makes Bulma continuously orgasm. Vegeta keeps himself berried at the hilt until the tightness is too much and he comes.
"That is what's called the sayan ramrod technique. That's is how Lily was born. It is the equivalent of what you would call a quickie."
Mai: *Starts screaming* This is so stupid!

>>He says putting his royal cock up.
"ahhhh," Bulma says.
"Most likely Cakerot fucked you longer. I have no time for that. I would like to see what would happen if two sayans had there way with you.

Pilaf: Well we wouldn’t.

>>Cakerot and I would have so much fun with you." he say and leaves.  Bulma just lays there and shutters at the thought.

Shou: So Bulma is a window now or something?  Well she has “shutters”.

>>Freeza and Lily see all of his minions heading back towards him. Half
of the Ginue force

Mai: But that’s not!  Ah forget it.

>>had one ball, the other half had a second, and Gohan and Napa had the third.
"Where's Vegeta?" Freeza asks.
"He wanted to have some fun with a human female." Napa said.
"The Earthlings are here! Let's get this finished quickly." Freeza says getting angrier.

Pilaf: Why does Freeza care about that?  As we keep saying, Lily can kill anyone alive with ease.

>>"Put the dragon balls in a circle. The balls one through six will make up the circle, the seven star ball will be in the center of the circle."
Lily explained the rest as the Ginue force did what Lily told them.
    As the ginues arrange the balls, Vegeta lands with an evil grin on his face.

Mai: Of course when isn’t there an evil grin on his face.

>>"Looks like I haven't missed the party yet." Vegeta said.
"Your daughter is about to summon the namick dragon." Freeza says watching the ginue force put down the last ball.
"Well, at least those idiots can make a circle." Vegeta says commenting on the dragon ball circle they've made.

Pilaf: Gee, thanks for clearing that up.  I would have guessed he was talking about a circular flower garden otherwise.

"Now what do we need to do?" Freeza asks.
"I need silence, it takes a lot of concentration to summon a dragon of Purrunga's power level." Lily said.

Mai: This constant tense switching is also giving me a headache.

>>A minute or two later, the Namickian dragon awoke from its slumber. Perrunga was bigger and looked a little meaner than Shinron.
"Yes, finally I'll be able to wish for immortality!" Freeza says.
"Not if I have anything to say about it, Freeza." Goku said coming down from the sky.
"You, what are you doing here!?" Freeza asks yelling at the top of his horse voice.

Pilaf: So Freeza does impressions now?

>>"We need to wish our friends back from the dead." Goku said.
"Well, you've gotta go through me and the rest of my forces." Freeza said.
"What forces," Vegeta says and nods and Lily who vaporizes the entire Ginue force.

Shou: And they went boom and then they all danced and then everyone went home and then they ate some food.

>>Freeza's eyes bug out. "Your betraying me you monkey!" he screams.
"Yeah, what are ya going to do about it?" Vegeta asks laughing.

Pilaf: Why does everyone say “ya”?  Can’t the author spell “you”?

Shou: I’m guessing, no.

>>"This!!" he says and his red disks cut into the crust of the planet and to the core. "Now this planet is going to go boom."
Lily's eyes glow red.

Mai: Ahh, color changing eyes.  Another classic Mary Sue trait.
    >>She was sending a telepathic message to the dragon.

Mai: And she’s telepathic as well?  What a surprise.

>>"The wish will be granted." the dragon said and all of a sudden all of the populous of planet namick plus Vegeta, Napa, Goku, Krilin, and Bulma vanished.
"What did you do!?" Freeza says looking around the now deserted planet.
"I telepathically told the dragon to send everyone to planet Earth. Now it's just me, Gohan, and you." Lily said.
"Let's dance Freeza." Gohan says powering up.

Pilaf: So Gohan and Freeza are going to waltz or something?  Well I’m guessing Freeza would like that.

>>Freeza starts to back off, but Lily blasts making Freeza leap forward.
"No, you're not going to get away from us this time." Lily says powering up to her highest. Freeza backs off, but Gohan hits him. Then Lily destroys Freeza with a blast that vaporizes him completely. Lily grabs Gohan and they instant transmit away.

Shou: Of course since they didn’t wish back Piccolo and Guru is about to die of old age...

All: The universe is screwed!

Mai: Ah, who are we kidding, Lily will just create some more Dragon Balls.

    >>The End

All: Yay!

    Author's Notes:

All: Boo!

    There it is, a very fucked up DBZ lemon.

Pilaf: I couldn’t agree more.
    >>Need a sequel,

Shou: Hell no!

    >>need to rant,

Mai: Hell yes!

>>wanna see something else from me,

Pilaf:  Hell no!

    >>then just send your shit to me!

Shou: Oh we’ll send some stuff to you, excuse me.  To “ya”.