Slight bit of explanation here.
I wanted to MST.
I didn't want to do it alone… but I also didn't want to have to wait
for anyone else to logon and only be able to do it when they're online.
The answer? Like most people, I tend to act different ways at different
times. Acacia's me from the PPC; she has all the stops pulled out, neither
of the other mes would go as far as burning someone alive, particularly
not just because they annoyed me. (Which is not to say we wouldn't wish
to.) Renn is the me of IM and email conversations. My IRL self I will call
Serilda, because of paranoia- it's not my real name- but I like the name.
So, I'm MSTing with myselves.
And we all like Boromir obsessively, so it can get odd.
The fic MSTed is Rambling Band, by Leah Pensotti. It's already been
PPC'd, but… well, death was too good for Laurel. The poem we recite is
"Call the Periods, Call the Commas" by Kalli Dakos.
And here goes the MST!]
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing and no one belonging to J.R.R. Tolkien
or in Lord of the Rings nor any of the songs by Led Zeppelin and Heart.
This story is meant to be in the text of pure fandom of both rock and roll
and Mr. Tolkien's momentous and beautiful works. I'm not profiting from
this in any monetary fashion. It's merely an expression of love
Acacia: For- don't tell me, let me guess- Legolas.
Renn: It always is.
Serilda: It's not even as if he does anything but look pretty and shoot
Renn: That's not quite fair. Sometimes he stabs them.
By Queen of Rock
Serilda: Elven Princess Syndrome?
Acacia: Delusions of grandeur?
Renn: Sheer stupidity?
Chapter One: The Gig
"I hate you Geoff"
Renn (singsong): Call the doctors Call the nurses Give me a breath of
air I've been reading all your stories but the periods aren't there
Serilda (singsong): Call the policemen call the traffic guards Give
me a STOP sign quick Your sentences are running when they need a walking
Acacia (singsong): Call the commas Call the question marks Give me a
single clue Tell me where to breathe with a punctuation mark or two
Laurel takes a drag from her cigarette and sneers at her brother
as their van pulls up at the South Bloomsdale Drive-in. She kicks a thick-
heeled leather boot
Serilda (wincing): This one wears leather?
against the dashboard and throws open the door to toss her cigarette
Renn: Litterer! LITTERER!
Her long, dark blond hair fans out behind her as she angrily slams
the door behind her.
She turns her head to see Cole getting out of the van's rear door.
His dark eyes silence her, since he truly is a man of few words.
Acacia: Which is a good thing, because the words he
are so insipid.
Laurel wraps her knee-length leather jacket
Serilda: Again with the leather! Stop it!
around her. She should have dressed more appropriately
Serilda: But she was a slut, and never did.
for the weather, seeing as though they would be playing outside to
four hundred fans in the middle of December.
However, they weren't her fans. That pisses Laurel off even more.
Renn: Narcissistic as well, I see.
Laurel gives an exasperated sigh and turns her green eyes to the
drummer; "I'm sorry Cole. I just can't believe that my brother booked us
a gig where we can't even play our own material. We won't get any attention
playing Led Zeppelin covers to a bunch a people dressed up like wizards
Renn: And she craves attention. Narcissistic, histrionic… she's really
piling up the personality disorders, and it's not even a chapter into the
Serilda: "A bunch a people?" Grammar!
Geoff shakes his finger at her as he hands her bass to her,
Acacia: But aren't his hands full? How can he shake his finger?
"It's HOBBITS, Laurel.
Serilda: So we've got the obligatory Person Who Knows What's Going To
Boy, are you ever going to stick out like a sore thumb. Don't embarrass
me in front my fellow bookworms.
Serilda: OF, in front OF!
We've been looking forward to this night for a very long time; the
first midnight showing is a very sacred thing."
Renn: I think I'm insulted. Sacred? Okay, I'm an avowed Tolkien
geek, but there's nothing sacred about it…
Acacia: Oh, look, it's the missing punctuation from the first sentence.
Laurel rolls her eyes, "Whatever. I'm just here for the sex,
Serilda: I knew it! Laurel's a slut!
Serilda: And a junkie!
and rock and roll."
Cole gives Laurel a cock-eyed grin, "You might not want to say that
too loud, Rel.
Acacia: Rel? REL?! Excuse me? How does "Rel" follow logically
(Renn and Serilda look at her strangely)
Some of those Hobos might be more than a little willing to oblige."
Serilda: She won't mind, she's a slut.
Geoff gives Cole a harsh glare and throws a cymbal at him. Laurel
can't help but smile, in spite of the atmosphere.
Renn: She doesn't like atmosphere. She doesn't breathe. We all
know she's not human.
Serilda: That's rather insulting.
Serilda: I've known some wonderful elves. And werebeasts. And
The drive-in has decided to give a huge bash
Acacia: They're staving people's heads in?
(Renn and Serilda move away)
in honor of the first showing (the midnight showing) of The Lord
of the Rings. Geoffrey Carter, Laurel's older brother and the guitarist
of the band, is a huge fan of the books and has been waiting for the films
to be released. He had a running countdown going for the past five months;
so when the band got offered the paying gig plus free tickets to the screening-he
jumped at the chance without first consulting Cole or Laurel.
Renn: Selfish bastard.
Laurel leaves Geoff and Cole to unload the rest of the equipment
as she goes to find the manager. She carries her bass in one hand and her
make-up in case the other up the gravel lot to the concession stand,
Serilda: I've just about worked out that she'd carrying her bass and
her makeup up the lot to the concession stand, but… "make-up in case the
other?" In case the other what?
Renn: Don't even try and make sense out of it…
sometimes looking around her to see people dressed with beards and
pointy hats or the shirts with the slogan "Frodo Lives." She reaches the
top of the incline where the concession stand sat. A short, round man stands
behind the counter, looking rather jolly.
Acacia: However, he was not as jolly as he seemed; he secretly hated
Laurel and now that he had her alone he brutally murdered her. No charges
were pressed because she had deserved it. The end.
(Renn and Serilda look extremely disturbed)
"Excuse me? But are you Mr. Randall?"
The man smiles and nods, "Yes. I'm Mr. Randall. May I help you, dear?"
Laurel cracks a small smile, "Yeah. My name is Laurel Carter. I'm
in G.C.'s Band of Three.
Renn: What a creative name.
You, uh, hired us to be the warm-up to the movie.
Serilda: Since when, incidentally, have movies had warm-ups?
Is there anywhere in particular that you'd want us to set up?"
The old man smiles, "Ah, yes. There is a small stage to the left
of the screen. That's where you'll be playing. Just up the hill."
She shifts the weight of her bass and nods, "Thank you."
The walk up the hill is not an easy one with her boots and her bass.
She primarily wore the boots to boost her 5'4 height up three inches, but
at the moment they were becoming a pain in places other than in the neck.
Acacia: What a sad attempt at… either euphemism or humor, I can't decide
She reaches the stage and sits for a moment to touch up her make-up.
Renn: So, she's vain as well.
When she looks in the mirror she can't help but grimace. Her eyeliner
has smudged and her cheeks were flushed from the December night.
Serilda (ominous Jedi Master voice): I sense a disturbance in the Tense…
Laurel releases her hair from its holder
Acacia (hair): I'm freeeeeeeeee!
and slips it into the pocket
Renn (confused): What, she put her hair in her pocket?
of her leather pants.
Serilda: Leather pants, too? Just please tell me they're not black…
Acacia: What other colors would they be?
As she runs a brush through she reveals a deep green streak of hair;
something she has wanted to do for a while, but was too chicken to dye
her whole head.
(All make clucking noises)
As she continues, Cole and Geoff appear below the hill carrying drums
and amplifiers followed by three mysterious people whom
Serilda: You know, "whom" is not always more correct than "who"…
carry Geoff's guitars and the microphones. She brushes more until
they come closer, only to find three teenage boys following her band mates,
and struggling every inch of the way.
Geoff sets down two amplifiers and taps his sister on the shoulder,
"I don't mean to bother you Laurel, but you do have the set lists, right?"
Laurel digs in her jacket pocket past her cigarettes and lighter
and pulls out three sheets of paper and a roll of transparent tape, "Sure
do. It says were starting with the instrumental 'Sylvan Song' by Heart
and then directly into 'Dream of the Archer' also by Heart, as sung by
me. Then on to the onslaught of Led Zeppelin; Geoff you're singing 'Misty
Mountain Hop' and 'Battle of Evermore' and then we finish up with me singing
'Stairway to Heaven' and 'Ramble On' in the acoustic finale. Roughly a
forty minute set."
Acacia: We do not want to hear the full list!
The three boys who helped carry the equipment stare at Laurel with
open mouths. She meets their eyes and throws her hands in the air,
Renn: Then she reattached them. How she did so without attached hands
is a mystery. Possibly she used Mystical Mary-Sue-Like Powers.
"Hey! Larry, Moe, and Curly! Do I have something growing out of my
The boys shake their heads in unison as the shortest one with dark
brown hair and large eyes stammers,
Serilda: So, is this the shortest of those with dark brown hair and
large eyes, or does the shortest one of the boys have these features?
"We, uh, can't wait to see you on stage. It, uh, sounds cool."
Laurel nods, "I assure you boys, it will knock your argyle socks
Acacia: But not your plaid ones.
Serilda: Or the ones like foot gloves, with the separate toes.
Renn: Or, gods forbid, the plain white ones.
Now, if you'd excuse me, I am going to tape the set lists to the
Laurel stands and walks up three steps to the stage where she tapes
the papers to the area where each band member will be located. Geoff and
Cole start setting up as Laurel checks the mics and the cable to her bass
amp. Geoff strolls up beside her and sighs loudly.
"Aw, sis. Lighten up. You'll have fun. We've got beer in the van
and free tickets to the most anticipated film of the year. If not the most
anticipated film ever. Come on. Drop the lead singer syndrome and have
fun. All work and no play makes Laurel a very anal retentive starving artist."
Serilda: What a sad, sorry attempt at a joke.
Laurel shrugs, "I'll do my best. You guys finish up here. I'm going
to take off my jacket because we go on in five minutes. Can't be late-the
Hobos might riot."
Geoff throws his hands up in surrender, "For crying out loud! It's
Laurel turns and smiles mischievously, "Yeah, I know. I just wanted
to see who's the anal-retentive one around here."
Acacia: …that was meant to be funny?
As soon as Laurel takes of her jacket to reveal her button-up shirt
with the long flared sleeves and a multitude of silver bangle bracelets
on each wrist,
Renn: I hate tailor passages…
Cole and Geoff joined her backstage. Cole is tall and has dark brown
hair and eyes. His eyebrow is pierced with a hoop, as well as each ear.
He wears black jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt covered by a black leather
Serilda: AGAIN WITH THE BLACK LEATHER!
Acacia: I don't think they mean it in that way, Serilda.
Geoff isn't much taller than Laurel, and has the same hair and eye
color as his sister. He wears a short-sleeved Led Zeppelin shirt with the
wizard on the mountain and the last lines of "Stairway to Heaven." He has
two hoops in each ear and a tattoo of a moon and sun on his forearm.
Renn: Again with the long physical descriptions!
Acacia: All these piercings. They're starting to remind me of Sean.
Only with un-blue hair, and they're not… what's the male version of nymphomania?
Between the three of them they have sixteen holes in their bodies;
a number that might as well be zero as compared to most rock bands.
The lights come on and Mr. Randall takes the stage, "Thank all of
you for coming to this special event. The first screening of The Lord of
the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring will occur in one hour."
Laurel exhales as the crowd lets out an energetic applause. Mr. Randall
continues, "Until that time, I have hired a local rock band to sing some
of your favorite Tolkien-inspired songs. I am pleased to introduce G. C.'s
Band of Three!"
Renn: As I said. Really creative.
Cole steps out first and behind his drum kit, followed by Geoff who
picks up his acoustic guitar then Laurel who throws her hands above her
Renn: Again with the hurling of body parts!
signaling the crowd to applaud. They do more than just clap. They
Acacia: Bits and pieces land everywhere.
Serilda: Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to give a performance for
The crowd is so happy to be here and hearing cover songs that it
makes Laurel a lot less edgy and more energetic. She picks up her deep
jade colored bass-and lets loose.
Renn: Lets what loose?
Serilda: I don't want to know.
The three play a blistering set all the way through the last song
when Laurel takes a moment to address the crowd. She leans into her microphone
with a wicked smile and glistening sweat on her face, "You guys have been
spectacular! This is our last song tonight; but we hope you have a great
time watching this film! This is for all of the Hobbits in the audience!
If you know this song; please sing along! This is Led Zeppelin's 'Ramble
Acacia: Like this author?
Laurel smiles at her brother as she sings the first line in her rich
voice, "Leaves are falling all around, It's time I was on my way..."
Renn: Yes. It is. So be on it. Please.
The crowd that Laurel had so unjustly underestimated, now makes her
smile with affection and sings loud with her "Mine's a tale that can't
Renn: So why are you trying?
my freedom I hold dear/How years ago in days of old, when magic filled
the air/'Twas in the darkest depths of Mordor, I met a man so fair/But
Gollum, and the evil one crept up and slipped away with him."
Laurel, Geoff, and Cole take their bows and start to break down the
stage. Laurel smiles broadly as they load the van. Cole shrugs and picks
up his bass drum, "I guess the Hobos came through?"
Laurel puts on her jacket and lies her bass case in the back of the
van, "The audience was great, but I still need a drink. Where did you boys
hide the beer?"
Serilda: So she's a drunk as well?
Geoff picks up two twelve packs and grins.
Renn: What, for three of them?
Thirty minutes later, Laurel is more than a little tipsy
Renn: I should think so!
(a light-weight when it comes to drinking) and Cole sit silently
in the back of the van.
Serilda: You know, it wouldn't be so bad if it were beta-read. Then
there would be noun-verb agreement…
Laurel looks around and turns to the drummer "Where did my brother
Cole turns to her and shrugs, "Out with the others watching the movie
of his dreams."
Laurel nods, "Oh. Yeah."
At that moment, Geoff opens the back door of the van and steps in,
"Come on you guys. They're getting ready to go to Rivendell.
Renn: But I have no taste and thought it was boring, so I left and came
You have to come watch."
Laurel smiles, "Sure big brother. Let me turn off the van. Had to
turn on the heater so we wouldn't freeze."
Acacia: But Mary-Sue-sicles are fun and good for you!
Laurel clamors over into the driver's seat.
Serilda (as Laurel): I can't move, but maybe if I make a lot of noise
I'll get somewhere!
Her boot heel kicks the gear in to drive; and the jerking motion
throws her forward where she hits the gas pedal very hard.
Renn: Coincidence makes the world go 'round.
Serilda: Does she remind
you guys of Teela Brown?
The van lurches to life, and before Cole and Geoff could scream or
Acacia (as Cole): NOO!DON'T TAKE ME INTO THIS FIIIIIIC!
Renn: Too late.
the van vaults with speed up the hill and into the large screen where
the movie was being played.
Serilda: I sense a disturbance in the tenses. Yet another one.
The lights went out, the movie cuts out abruptly, and everything
around Laurel turns cold, gray, and very sickeningly silent.
Serilda: As if a million grammar professors cried out in anguish, and
were suddenly silenced…
Acacia: It's the end! Let's go!
Renn: Are you kidding?There are another thirteen chapters to go!