MSTer's Note: Back again after a LONG hiatus with the fifth part of
the MADNESS known as "My Inner Life"!! ^_^ It's been tough, but I was inspired
to keep MSTing, seeing as it's the 1 year anniversary of MIL! Yaaaaay~!
Disclaimer: Link, Zelda, and all associated characters/places belong
to Nintendo. Don't sue! Genocide, Cat, Dee, Etienne, Jesse, and
the Cheesies belong to me... yay! ^_^ And lastly but not leastly--Jenna and
this story belong to Link's Queen. She's welcome to them! ^_^;;
And, this isn't written to offend. 'Tis but a cynical form of C&C...
<Somewhere in the "Great White North"...>
(Camera zooms in on a girl sitting at her computer, shaking her head.)
GIRL: What's up with this crazy chick?? She thinks Link is REAL?
GIRL: Oh... my. Sex. Lots of badly described Mary Sue sex. *shudders*
(Suddenly a popup comes up on screen...)
GIRL: (Reading) "If you'd like to exact revenge on this Mary Sue, click here"...
*blinks* Ah, what the hell? Can't be any worse than the fic itself...
(GIRL clicks on the popup and suddenly vanishes! ...Contrived? Psh!)
<In Genocide's Basement....>
GENOCIDE: Okay, we played your little game and read another chapter of "My
Inner Life"... can we call it even? Please??
H.C. CHEESIE: HA! NEVER! You will suffer until I say you are free!
LT. CHEESIE: Yeah, you are sooo stuck here, man...
H.C. CHEESIE: .........Kindly shut up, lieutenant.
DEE: Look, we had nothin' to do with any of this mess! It was Genocide who
wanted to eat you! Cat and me just stopped by to help him move!
GENOCIDE: (offended) Hey!
H.C. CHEESIE: Hmmm.... *appeares to think this over* You have a point...
perhaps I COULD let the two of you leave... we could use more space in the
LT. CHEESIE: Heh heh... that rhymed.
H.C. CHEESIE: (to Lt.) Didn't I tell you to shut up!? (to Dee and Cat) Fine!
You two can leave... now that I've found a new guest, I have no further need
JESSE: Hey! I didn't try to eat you either!
H.C. CHEESIE: *pulling out a remote control* Silence, I've made my decision.
(H.C. CHEESIE grins evilly and presses the red button on the remote)
H.C. CHEESIE: Say goodbye to your friends, fools!!
(DEE and CAT disappear in a puff of smoke that fills the box. When
the smoke clears, a confused looking GIRL stands in the box...)
H.C. CHEESIE: *laughs maniacally* Welcome, Bold Font! Now you shall have
a chance to wreak vengeance upon the dreaded "My Inner Life"!!
BOLD: ...This isn't exactly what I had in mind.
H.C. CHEESIE: SILENCE! Take your places, my little guinneapigs... your torture
is about to begin. You can all thank Genocide for THAT!
(The lights dim and H.C. CHEESIE whirls around and stalks off, barely avoiding
the Lt. AGAIN...)
Bold: So... what's going on? Genocide: Eh, the moldy cheesies have an attitude problem... now we're
stuck in a box MSTing the fanfic from hell. Bold: ...Sounds a little contrived. Etienne: It's best not to think about it. Jesse: ...I am going to kill you for this, Genocide.
(The lights go off completely and the projecter flares to life...)
It was a warm spring night and night had just arrived.
Jesse: Just in case we couldn't tell when she said "it was a warm
spring night"... Genocide: Pain... pain. Bold: This was brought to you by the department of redundancy department.
Link and I were sharing the quiet sounds of the night together.
Etienne: (Jenna) Here Link, you can have the cricket chirp. Genocide: (Link) You can have the leaves rustling, Jenna.
I had been seeing Link for a little more then a month.
Genocide: Hallucinations.... nope, not a good sign. Bold: Either that, or she’s a stalker. Pictures everywhere…spying
on him in the shower…
The Spring Festival had come and gone and the warm weather was finally returning.
All signs of winter were almost gone
Jesse: I would hope so, since it's spring. Bold: Which we mentioned was warm up at the top.
and my time in Hyrule was about to end for this year.
Etienne: They're gonna kill her, right? Right??
In two weeks I would be leaving for the city of Tar Vera. Knowing this made
me sad to go since I did not want to leave Link.
I had finally found someone that I
Genocide: (Jenna) Could really stalk!
truly loved and I would have to leave him behind when it was time to leave.
Jesse: I'm not sure she DRILLED it into our heads enough that she
was leaving... *twitch*
Even Link was not happy
Genocide: Yeah, he wasn't happy.... he was ECSTATIC!
after I told him that I would be leaving soon.
Bold: And she could possibly be leaving. Jesse: You sure?
When I told him his face
Etienne: (Jenna) Was ugly, he cried like a little girl. Go figure.
went from happy to a depressed one.
Jesse: A depressed *what*?? Genocide: Dude, don't ask questions!
He wanted to be with me and he wanted me to stay in Hyrule with him. But
I was going to spend every last minute I had left with him enjoying it.
Etienne: They make it sound like she's dying or something. Genocide: If only!
We had remained quiet for quite some time, then it was Link who broke the
it has been a wonderful almost two months with you......."
I watched him as he stuttered to find his words.
Bold: I Don’t know about you, but I stutter to find things instead
of actually looking for them, too.
"Even as short as it was‚
I really enjoyed the time I've spent with you."
Genocide: (Jenna) ...But I'm dumping you because your willy's too
small. Ta ta, dahling!
"I wish you did not have to leave." "I do not think I will ever find another
quite like you."
Bold: The thought of more people quite like her scares me more than
I would like to admit. Etienne: *shivers* LQ clones...
Link said as a look of sadness appeared in his eyes.
Bold: (As Link) Gads! My contact lens! Jesse: Well, it was either sadness, or pinkeye... they weren't sure
At that moment I was on the verge of tears. I was in love with him.
Bold: Which is great, because without that everlasting cliché,
we wouldn’t have a fic.
I leaned over and softly placed my lips on his and kissed him tenderly. Then
he looked deeply into my eyes and told me
Bold: (As link, hypnotized) Yes master… Etienne: (Link) You're hideous and I don't like you. Jesse: (Link) I am your father. Genocide: (Link) ...I really want some cheese.
he loved me. With those words I began to cry.
Bold: The dam! The dam is breaking!
I had never felt this way before. Like the way he makes me feel when I'm
Bold: More redundancy brought to you by our redundant department of
redundancy which is a department OF redundancy! Jesse: Ahh!!
He gently took his hand
Bold: Which, you know, became disembodied during the previous paragraph… Genocide: --And beat Jenna over the head with it!
and wiped away my tears. Then he put his
hand underneath my chin and slowly lifted my head up until our eyes met.
Bold: And then he uses the disembodied limb as a prop! Etienne: Oooh, will there be an interpretive dance, too??
With his hand, he drew my face close to his,
Jesse: What ELSE would he use??
gently placed his lips on mine andkissed me softly. At that moment I took
the opportunity to
Genocide: (Jenna) Bite off his face! Ah ha ha haaaa!
(everyone else leans away)
deepen the kiss. As our tongues met I started to feel his hands caressing
my body. As he gently caressed my body,
Bold: Did we mention he was caressing her body? Etienne: Maybe we should mention it again.
I let out small moans into his mouth. Then he moved his lips to my
neck, placing sweet nibbles
Bold: Sweet Nibbles!?
on it as his hands trickled up my back to the clasp of my dress.
Jesse: His hands are made of liquid!!
Little by little he slowly started to remove my dress and I felt my body
Genocide: Like Jello. Jesse: So that's why his hands were "trickling"...
under the gentle caressing
Bold: Which was gentle…and caressing…
of his broad hands
Bold: As apposed to skinny bony hands… Etienne: ^_^; Those were the ones he removed earlier. These are the
new ones he put on.
as he pulled the dress down off my legs and tossed it aside.
Bold: How? Isn’t he caressing her gently with his hands? What
did he use? His feet? Genocide: Yes. He's been practising.
Slowly he moved back to my lips and kissed me forcefully, his tongue
begun probing my mouth. My tongue slowly met his, causing it to intertwine
with his, tasting the sweetness of him.
Then we broke
Bold: Our necks and died, the end? Jesse: I hope so...
off the kiss and I
Bold: Spontaniously combusted? The End? Jesse: Please?
looked into his dark blue eyes as I reached up to remove the belt from around
Bold: Uh…Why is she reaching up? How tall IS he!?
Slowly I pulled off his belt letting it fall to the ground, then I
slipped my hands under his tunic and swiftly removed it as his lips went
to my breasts.
Bold: *attempts to re-construct the mechanics of this…* Ok…She
reaches up to remove his belt, implying that either a) she’s really short
or b) she’s on the ground, then removes his tunic AS his lips are on her
breasts??? Both of them at the same time!? While his shirt is over his head!?
While she’s either really short or on the ground? GAH!
As his lips and tongue teasedthe nipples of my breasts,
Bold: (as breasts) Tee hee. You’re such a tease!
I felt new feelings swarm threw my body.
Bold: INFESTATION! Genocide: Get the Raid!!!
My back arched and groans of pure pleasure escaped past my lips.
Etienne: (as groans; a la Braveheart) FREEDOM!!!
Never had I felt such feelings before. Never had my body ever felt such pleasure.
Then Link slowly moved his lips down my body till he reached my navel.
Jesse: (Link) Ew, linty.
When he kissed it a giggle passed my lips. Then he looked up and we looked
into each other's eyes as I
Genocide: Looked at him, and he looked back again. And they looked
some more. Yes, there was much looking.
reached up to his chest and placed my hands on the lace that held the collar
together of his white under shirt.
Bold: You mean…she DIDN’T remove his shirt??
His body started quivering
Genocide: Link IS the Jello Man!
as my hands worked across his chest while I removed his white undergarments.
Then I yanked it off,
Bold: Forceful wench! Jesse: (carefully) Yanked what off, exactly...?
exposing his beautiful heavenly naked body. A body of pure heaven.
Bold: *reads. Reads again. Snorts. Bursts out laughing* A body of
pure heaven? A BODY of pure HEAVEN!?
Our lips met again as he gently pushed me down onto his bed,
Bold: *muttering…* Heaven…Body…*snickers*
climbing on top of me.
Etienne: (Link) I claim this land in the name of Spain!
I begun to feel his heart beating in his chest
Bold: We have a heartbeat! He’s not dead! Jesse: Dammit! Somebody better die...
as his lips moved back to the nipples on my breasts.
Bold: Instead of the nipples on her back. Or her knees. Or the pillow!
The pillow can have nipples too! And the wall! And the desk! And the ground!
Hell, nipples for everyone! Genocice: And lo, he came from up on high and said, "let there be
nipples!" and there were nipples. And it was good.
Soft moans of pleasure passed my lips as he nibbled gently on my nipples
causing them to become erect.
Bold: *confused* Implying that they were limp before? Or slouching? Jesse: They were slouching--they were bored, like us. -_-
As he teased my nipples with his lips and tongue, I felt his handwork
its way down my body.
Bold: It’s alive! Gah! Link and the mutant hand! Etienne: THING!
First to my thighs, then between my legs. He gently brushed his hand across
the lips of my mound
Bold: *quietly, to Etienne* She makes the female naughty bits sound
like a cannibalistic hill… I don’t know about you, but I’m insulted! Etienne: O_o; You're right... she does!
and I groaned to tell him to continue.
Bold: Because every Hylian is fluent in cave speak.
Slowly his fingers probed around the inside of my flower,
Bold: Totally ignoring the task at hand and fondling the foliage instead,
ne Linkie-boy? Jesse: Perhaps he has ADD... Genocide: (Link; distracted) Oooh, pretty flowers!
sending strange new pleasurable feelings cursing threw my body.
Bold: Ok. That was so bad I can’t even comment. *stunned* Etienne: So, let me get this straight. This feeling was cursing, and
THREW Jenna?? ...Sounds painful!
I moaned louder as his fingers caressed the inside of my mound,
Bold: O_$? Etienne: ................O_O;
moving in a slow up and down motion.
Bold: Could be worse. Could be –Diagonal- Etienne: T_T Aaaahhh.... this is horrible.....
Then his fingers brushed against my clit, and I screamed out as a pulse of
pure ecstasy raced through me.
Bold: (as ecstasy#1) I win! I faster than you! Jesse: She really needs to get off the drugs.
I grabbed his hand and pulled it closer, telling him that I wanted
more. Taking the hint, he teased me,
Bold: (as link) Catch the ball! *makes fake throwing motions. Watches
as Jenna runs off after imaginary ball.* Heh heh heh.
as his hand brushed across my clit every few strokes.
Bold: GET A NEW ADJECTIVE!!! AAAAARRRGHGG! Etienne: *pat pat* There there... no use in exploding over this stupid
fic. Jesse: *mutters* yeah, it'll only get worse, anyway.
as he begun to thrust his broad fingers deep inside my hot wetness. New feelings
flooded threw my body,
Bold: Quick! To higher ground! The water level is getting higher! Jesse: The flood can wipe out the infestation!
rushing to my head like a sugar high, as his fingers pushed their way in
and out of my sleek beautiful body.
Bold: *dead silent for a moment* Egotistical much, ne?
With each thrust, my legs shuddered
Bold: *As legs* Eww. Hot wetness. Genocide: (Legs) It burns, it burns!!
sending momentary shocks to my lower organs.
Bold: *still, as legs* Hah hah! Bzzt bzzt! *shock shock* Jesse: And killed her? The end??
Then I arched my back,
Bold: Arched my back further, as it was still arched from a few paragraphs
ago, and arched again before that. At this rate, she’ll kill herself from
back injury! Jesse: We can only hope...
my body screaming in
Bold: Wait for it…
Bold: Ah HAH! I CALLED IT!
as his movements became faster. I reached up and dug my nails into his muscular
Genocide: Causing him to bleed to death.
as the eternal bliss raced through my every vein.
Bold: *As eternal bliss, instead of ecstasy* You may have won last
time, but this race is MINE! Jesse: All the drugs are beginning to explain this story...
Ibegan feelingjolts of
pure hot passion surging through my lower organs,
Bold: Egad! That sounds dangerous! Genocide: Sounds pretty deadly, actually... Bold: (as Dr. Bold) Cause of death? There seemed to be an unusually
high concentration of pure, hot passion in the lower abdomen, kidneys, and
through my bones as I felt myself starting to climax. My back arced again
and I grunted in cat like sounds
Bold: Like ‘meow’ and ‘purr’ and ‘skshhhhh!!! Spit spit reower’ when
you kick them off the recliner? Genocide: I didn't think cats "grunted"...
as he begun to thrust his fingers deeper, upping the movement.
Jesse: Upping the movement? Genocide: Hey man, at least she's not upping the yanny!
My hands felt his back become sweaty as I dug my nails in deeper.
Etienne: She's digging for buried treasure!
Then my slender body twisted as I came to full climax, and I screamed in
Bold: THE RETURN OF!
Bold: hoo haw!
as my warm juices gushed down his hand.
Bold: Tsunami! Genocide: Dammit, where are my galoshes!?
Falling back painting,
(Everyone cracks up) Etienne: *between laughs* Painting! Genocide: *snickering* Yeah, I know that's what I do after sex. Jesse: ...Please don't put yourself and sex in the same sentence ever
I looked into his eternal blue eyes.
Bold: *pukes* gads.
" I want to make love to you."
Bold: Uh…isn’t that what you just did?
Genocide: Depends on your definition of sex. Heh. Jesse: (Link) I did not have sexual relations with that woman.
I whispered to him as he ate my body
Bold: With Fava beans and a nice Chianti?
with his hungry stare. "I've wanted to make love to you from the first day
I met you." Link said as his hungry lips returned to my beautiful neck.
Bold: Starting at the top and eating his way down?
Then I bucked my head back
Bold: Smashing it against his skull.
and cat like sounds escaped passed my lips
as he pressed his hot body down against mine.
Etienne: And crushed her?
As I ran my nails down his sweaty back
Genocide: Jaaaaaaysus! She's got him scratched to ribbons!
and I felt our hearts starting to beat faster as our bodies became hungry
for each other.
Bold: I’ve got a name for this chapter. The cannibalistic chapter.
Etienne: I second that. O_o
Etienne: The newest fragrence in Hyrule?
new feelings begun to surge through me
Bold: Again. But at least she spelt through right this time!
Bold: FOOM!! Genocide: And they were incinerated! Woo!
Then as he penetrated deep inside my sweaty body, the feeling rushed through
me like a raging river, the feeling of..........
Never had I felt this way before. I felt my body beginning to surge with
strange new feelings
Bold: AGAIN! Jesse: I think they would've lost their novelty by now...
as I let my virginity slip away.
Bold: (As virginity) *puts on hat* This is too dumb. I’m leaving. Genocide: Oh god, take me with you! *sob*
As we made love I whispered in his ear that he made me feel like a
women and to my surprise he said I made him feel like a man.
Bold: But alas, it wasn’t enough. She wanted him to feel like a –MEN-
We made love long into the night.
Bold: And did we mention they made love?
For filing each other's hot desires and fantasies.
Bold: Paragraph recap: They made love into the night, in return for
filing each other’s hot desires and fantasies. Was that by date, or alphabetically?
And I thought to myself that this was one thing I did not want to miss.
Bold: I’d hope she didn’t miss it. Clones are a bitch to explain.
I wanted to drink in every part of him.
Bold: Returning briefly to her cannibalistic ways…
And after it was over I could not wait to feel him again.
Etienne: Link, on the other hand, was making his escape.
The next few days were depressing. Us knowing that I was leaving in
less then two weeks made us depressed.
Bold: And they were depressed. And there was much rejoicing.
The nights were spent mostly quiet except for the occasional sigh. I was
beginning to think I'd never be this happy again. Link made me feel special.
He made me feel like a women.
Bold: I was just wondering…could women be classified as a flock or
a gaggle? She felt like a murder of women? Or is women itself a group description?
A women of sheep.
And he was my first. "Do I really have to leave?" I asked myself.
Bold: Of course you do honey! Otherwise we wouldn’t have the appropriate
But then I remembered that the places I travel to every year were counting
Bold: *places* One…two…three…
so I had to go. Love or not.
It was the day before I was leaving. I was at the market place for
the last time for this year.
Bold: Because she’s leaving, no da. Genocide: And the Hylians rejoiced!
I was at my stand selling what I had left when I saw Link enter the market
and headed for where I was.
Bold: Grammar bulletin: She saw him enter and headed for where she
was! Etienne: Wow, how'd she manage THAT?
As I watched him I wondered if this was going to be the last time I was ever
going to see him. I began to cry when he approached me. Taking his hand
Bold: He took his own hand? Genocide: He seems to do that a lot...
he gently wiped away my tears and told me not to cry.
Bold: But alas, it was too late. She had started crying the previous
sentence! Jesse: At this rate, they'll all drown!
He looked deeply into my brown eyes
Bold: *a la ‘Cute’* *singing* Don’cha mean green? *sighs* Ok. Ignore
my insane jazz knowledge.
and told me he had something to tell me.
Bold: And let me tell you, it was an important thing he told her he
was going to tell her, and tell her he did!
Then he got down on one knee and
Bold: said *in British accent* I’ll bite ‘yer kneecaps off!
produced a small gold box. He opened it to reveal a gold diamond ring inside.
Bold: Where do you get gold diamonds? Etienne: Only in Hyrule. ^_^;;
With a loud gasp I clopped my hands over my mouth.
Bold: *clopps her hands over her ears* Genocide: She's a horse!
Then he took my hand in his.
Genocide: (Link; deep voice) YOUR SOUL IS MINE!
"Will you marry me?" He asked with hope in his eyes as I started to cry again.
Jesse: (Link; thinking) Maybe if I make her cry enough, we really
WILL drown, and I can get the hell out of this fic!
"Oh my Goddesses
Bold: AH! Megami-sama!
Bold: THIRTY ONE! Jesse: ...Has anyone ever accused you of having OCD?
yes, yes I will!" I said in between tears.
Bold: Because we can’t talk and tear at the same time.
He took my left hand and
Bold: Ran off with it! Etienne: Ate it!
placed the ring on my finger. Then he got up, we embraced and started to
kiss. Now I knew I did not have to leave.
Genocide: But what about all the places that were "counting on her"??
Hyrule was meant to be my home. We were destined to be together.
Genocide: Until death do you part... MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Summer finally arrived and signs of spring were slowly fading.
Etienne: I should hope so, since it's Summer and all! ...Unless they're
in some sort of weird timewarp. Genocide: Let's do the timewarp again! Jesse: Oh god, no...
I was spending my days at Hyrule castle helping with the chores and making
Etienne: (Jenna) World domination.
my upcoming wedding. Link spent his days building a home in the Lost Woods
for us to live in after we were married.
Jesse: In the hopes that he would be able to lose Jenna there.
I was excited about our upcoming wedding. I was marring Link.
Bold: No! don’t mar his body of pure heaven! Etienne: *breaks into giggles*
I finally had the man
Bold: *coughs* A man. Genocide: Or maybe it was a *men*?
I fell in love with. He was special to me. And he was building a home
for us to live in.
Jesse: Dammit, we KNOW!!
A home for us to raise our family in.
Jesse: Stop with the choppy sentences! Genocide: Uhh... you okay, man? Jesse: AHH! >_< God, make the crap stop!
Link told me he wanted to be a father and that most of all he wanted a
son. We had talked about having children together.
When I first started
my traveling, I did not want children, but now that I was marring Link,
Jesse: He really should file charges for that...
I decided I wanted to have children with him. Having children by him would
make them strong and beautiful, since
Genocide: (Jenna) I was weak and ugly.
Link was strong and beautiful himself.
Bold: And her devious plan is revealed! She’s breeding with link to
make perfect children to sell as love slaves on the black market!!!
Even my friendship with Princess Zelda and her father grew stronger
when we told them about our engagement and that we were going to have children.
Since Zelda was not betrothed and had not yet wed, this was the closest thing
to her being a mother and the King being a grandfather.
Jesse: Shoot me now, please.
Now that we were to wed my life was almost complete.
Etienne: And we were ready to kill something! Genocide: Mass genocide is always a good way to go... *grin* Jesse: I think it's over...!
(The lights slowly come back on, and the CHEESIES step into view)
H.C. CHEESIE: I am impressed, Bold. You managed to survive the fic with your
mind intact... perhaps you could become our ally!
BOLD: Nah, sorry. I've gotta get home so I can find out what a Jeepstar
(Everyone else stares blankly)
H.C. CHEESIE: Errr.... yes... well, that's too bad. I could have used
an INTELLIGENT ally.
LT. CHEESIE: ...Heeeeyy...
H.C. CHEESIE: Anyway! You are free to go, Bold Font! It was interesting
to have another... participant in this little exercise.
BOLD: (blandly) Yay.
(H.C. CHEESIE presses the big red button on his nifty remote control thingie.
A puff of smoke fills the box again, and when it finally is gone, BOLD FONT
is gone with it...)
H.C. CHEESIE: Well! I hope you've had fun, pets! While you were
frolicking in the garden of LQ's mind, I was busy finding our next victim--er,
participant! Soon you will meet Drew! She, too, has discovered
the horror of "My Inner Life".... *starts laughing maniacally*
LT. CHEESIE: ...I'm hungry.
H.C. CHEESIE: Ah ha--ha? Dammit! Stop ruining my big moments!
Ugh, you're useless!
(The High Commander leaves in a huff, followed by his Lieutenant.)
GENOCIDE: ...We really need to get out of here.
ETIENNE: And this was only the fifth part!
JESSE: ...I'm going to kill you, Genocide. You and your stupid moldy
MSTer's Endnote: Holy CRAP, this took a long time to put out! O_o;;
Don't kill me! Ugh, I've lost my touch with the beginning/end segments,
though.... that's gonna create a problem for the later parts. Oh well,
I'll figure something out! ^_^
Thanks To: The guest MSTer, Bold Font! The MST wouldn't exist without