Back again with the fourth part of the MADNESS known as "My
Inner Life"!! ^_^ Once again, I am undertaking the big challenge...
wish me luck! And thanks to all my fans... *giggle* this wouldn't be as
fun without you guys!!
Disclaimer: Link, Zelda, and all associated characters/places belong to
Nintendo. Don't sue! Genocide, Cat,
Cheesies belong to me... yay! ^_^ And lastly but not leastly--Jenna and
this story belong to Link's Queen. She's welcome to them! ^_^;;
And, this isn't written to offend. 'Tis but a cynical form of C&C... ;)
(Genocide groans and sits up)
GENODICE: Ugh... what the hell...?? *rubs his head*
ETIENNE: *sitting up beside him* Where ARE we?
(A few feet off, Cat and
dust off himself)
CAT: *looks around* I dunno... it looks sorta deserted.
(The room they are in is almost pitch black, and it seems to have a lot of
(Everyone turns in the direction of
GENOCIDE: *sarcastic* Naw, really?
(Cat blinks in confusion)
ETIENNE: You mean we... shrunk??
GENOCIDE: *throws his arms up* Oh, suuuuure,
having crazy ideas sometimes! There's no way we could have--
(Suddenly, a familiar voice interrupts...)
H.C. CHEESIE: Oh, I'm afraid the girl is quite right, Evil One!
LT. CHEESIE: Yeah... you're like, small and stuff, man...
GENOCIDE: ...I stand corrected.
H.C. CHEESIE: I just want to inform you that you are all now my
LT. CHEESIE: Now we're like, gonna get out revenge... ya know?
JESSE: -_-; How do I get sucked into these things??
H.C. CHEESIE: Silence!! We will now FORCE you to read the rest of this
horrid... story--My Inner Life! Nyahahahahaaa!!
LT. CHEESIE: Yeah! What he said!!
GENOCIDE: But... guys, we were, uh, doing that anyw--OW!
think up some WORSE punishment??
GENOCIDE: ....-_-; Right. My inner life it is, then...
H.C. CHEESIE: Yeeees, excellent. My Lieutenant and I have rigged up a
projector so you can see the fic... ENJOY!!! MWAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!
(A faint light shines in a square on the "wall" across from the prisoners,
and the fic begins to project...)
Jesse: Great, here we go again...
Etienne: *takes a deep breath* I'm sure we'll be fine. After all, it's
not that long, right?
Genocide: *nervous laugh* Ehh heh... well... see, it's like this...
there's over a hundred pages of--
Everyone else: WHAT!?
I turned my head back to face him,
Cat: In a complete 360!!
and as our eyes met again I blushed.
Jesse: (Jenna) I know! I'll tell him we were meant for each other and then
drag him to a bonding ceremony!!
Genocide: (Jenna) And then we can have hot tiger-sex!!
"My name is Jenna, I'm a traveling merchant from the
All: .....*burst out laughing*
Genocide: *snicker* Lebian indeed.... suuuuuuure.
Etienne: O_o;;; (Link) You came from WHERE?? ...Man, I gotta check that
place out! *grin*
My village is there. I have been a friend of the Royal Family for a long
time. And I come every year for Hyrule's annual Spring Festival."
He looked into my eyes and smiled.
Cat: (Link; thinking) Boy, this chick sure is dweeby.
Etienne: (same) Ohhh, I finally get that joke Zelda told me yesterday!! Ha
Watching him smile made my heart pound in my chest. He again took my hand
in his, kissed it again and spoke.
Genocide: (Link) Do you ever wash your hands?
"Nice to meet you Mistress Jenna."
"You are as beautiful as a winter rose."
Jesse: What? Who's talking now?
He said as he stared at me with his enchanted blue eyes.
Etienne: Ooohh, Link has maaaagical eyes!
"Th-Thank you." I stammered as I blushed again.
"What are you doing tonight?" He asked with a soft smile.
Genocide: And the elf moves in for the kill right away...
Cat: Must be a new record... O.o
Stunned, not believing my ears I turned and looked directly into his
Etienne: (Jenna, squinting) Link, are those... contacts?
"Nothing really." "I was just going to retire
to my wagon and cook supper before settling in front of a fire to
Jesse: (Jenna) Burn things.
read a book."
With a glint in his eyes he asked, "Why don't you join me tonight in
Genocide: (Link) A ritual sacrifice to my dark lord?
All: We're number two! We're number two! Gooooo TWO!!! *cheer*
"It is a celebration feast that happens the night before the Spring
Etienne: In case you couldn't tell from the name.
Cat: Well, this IS Jenna we're talking about...
Without hesitation I took him up on his offer. "I would love to go." I
said with a soft smile.
"I will pick you up this evening." Link said with a grin.
Genocide: (Link; darkly) And devour your soul.
Just then a deep voice rumbled through the garden. "Jenna my dear friend,
Genocide: (deep voice) Your soul is mine.
Etienne: Stop DOING that! O_O
how have ye been?" A grandfatherly face appeared before me.
Jesse: It's a disembodied face!?
With a smile I curtseyed before the King.
Jesse: How does one "curtseyed"?
Etienne: Isn't Zelda a princess??
Genocide: *sobs* What is LQ doing to the game!?
my old friend how have I missed you!"
"I have been just fine." " It is really nice to see you again." I said
with excitement in my voice.
Cat: This dialogue is SO confusing! O_o
As always the King thought of me as a daughter and always looked forward
to the day when I would arrive in Hyrule for the annual Spring Festival.
Genocide: Hmm, Mary Sue Syndrome seems to be running rampant!
He always liked to see what new merchandise I have picked up
thought my travels since the last time I was there.
Jesse: Gotta love those sentient travels.
And most of the time he would buy something from me. But he always liked
it when I would show up since I would bring lots of fun
Genocide: Wink wink, nudge nudge?
Cat: Bleh, say no more!
and happiness. As I looked at the King I realized I was some what
Etienne: Yeah, we've been trying to figure out what you are, too.
As he started to approach me I ran
Jesse: Far far away... the end.
up to the King and gave him a hug.
Genocide: (King) Get it off, get it off, get it OFF!!
How I missed him.
All: Let me count the ways...
Ever since my parents died when I was very young, I never let anyone get
very close to me.
Etienne: And everyone was glad.
But the King was different.
Genocide: ...This could be going in a new and disturbing direction, here.
He opened up to me,
Cat: (Jenna) ...Showing me his innards and stuff. It was, like, really
took me into his family and became like a father to me. He gave me a home
to come to every year. When I was in Hyrule, I felt at home.
Jesse: And we felt a sense of redundancy. What's your point?
"Jenna my sweet daughter, what have ye acquired through thy travels this
Etienne: Did he mention that he wanted to see what she acquired?
Cat: Repeatedly, but let's mention it one more time!
I smiled at the King, "You must see some of the new cloth I picked up in
the city of
eyes grew big.
Everyone else: O_o;; *edge away*
"Jenna my daughter, you must show me what you've acquired."
Cat & Etienne: GAAHHH!!!
Then he took my hand and began to lead me out of the garden.
With one last look back at Link, I smiled at him. "See you tonight."
All: Wink wink, nudge nudge!
I said before I left. After spending some time with the King, he brought
some of my new cloth then let me settle in for the night.
Genocide: He... huh?? Why would he bring her the cloth she already had??
Cat: ...Don't question it, man. Save your mind.
I returned to the inside of my wagon and prepared a hot bath.
Jesse: *mutters* Hot enough to boil, I hope.
I went to the mirror and brushed my hair while I waited for the water to
heat up. After about five minuets the water was ready.
As I slipped down into the warm water, it felt good against my sore
muscles. I begun to relax and slowly let my thoughts drift.
Etienne: Sadly, the thoughts never came back.
Genocide: Who are you trying to kid? They were never there in the first
Link was the only thing on my mind. "He is sooo handsome."
Cat: (makes a show of batting his eyelashes) Oh, yes, he's just SUCH a
hottie~! *gush gush*
I thought to myself. "That is the heroic man who became the "Legendary
Hero of Time"
Etienne: And he's a hero, too!
and saved Hyrule from a life of darkness."
Genocide: Link--bringer of the light bulb.
Though something tugged at the back of my mind.
I remembered that I had wanted to marry one day.
Jesse: Okay, where the hell did THAT come from?
Etienne: -_- It can only get worse from here...
And Link would be a good choice since he was my age, strong, smart, and
handsome and would help make strong beautiful children.
Cat: Well, she'll certainly need all those qualities for good kids...
Genocide: *grins* Burn...
Yes indeed Link would make a good husband.
Then I took the soap and washed up. After I washed I got out of the tub
and dried off.
All: (a la "Dude, Where's My Car?") And theeeeeeen?
I went to the wardrobe closet to pick out a dress for this evening's
Jesse: ...Well, I guess that answers that question.
Etienne: No one will be seated during the thrilling dressing scene!!
After some rummaging, I picked a low v cut white dress with lace that held
the v together. Gold embroidered Triforce symbols lined the bottom of the
dress. And the sleeves started from mid arm and ran all the way down my
arm to my wrist. Next I picked a gold choker with the Triforce symbol for
around my neck. And a gold Triforce ring for my finger.
Cat: THRILL at the clothing descriptions!!!
Then I had to do my hair. I braided my hair into a halo braid and ran a
beautiful silver lace through it.
Genocide: *groans* What is it with Mary Sues and the clothing and hair
descriptions? WE DON'T CARE!!
After that I went to the full-length mirror to look at myself.
Jesse: The mirror promptly cracked.
As I looked myself over, a knock came at the door.
Etienne: (deep voice) Open up, ma'am. It's the badfic police!
"Come!" I yelled.
Genocide: *grins* Woo... is that an order?
Cat: -_-;; And it begins.
Appearing in the doorway
was the man I had set my eyes on.
Etienne: Well, DUH. It's not as if she could see someone who was NOT at
His eyes grew big,
Genocide: And popped! MWAHAHAHAHAAA!!!
(everyone edges away)
as he looked me over. "You look beautiful
tonight." Link said as he took my hand and kissed it.
Cat: And contracted leprosy and died, THE END!!!
Etienne: If only!
Then he led me out the door. There were two horses in front saddled for
riding. One was a rust colored mare with a white main
Jesse: Main what?
and tail with a black mussel.
Etienne: Mussel?? ...Seafood, anyone? ^_^;;
The other was one of my brown mares with a black main and tail. The one he
had gotten was the one with the white star on her forehead. The one whom I
Genocide: Any reason they need so many horses?
He led me to my mare and helped me into the saddle. Then he mounted the
Etienne: Ahhhhhh!!!! X_x
Looking back at me his eyes seemed to glow in the moonlight.
Genocide: (Link; deep voice) Your soul is mine, Mary Sue! *swings Master
Jesse: (deep voice) Fatality.
Etienne: And the readers rejoice as the evil Mary Sue is vanquished!
"Follow me, I will lead the way." Then he booted
Cat: Jenna off of her horse and laughed!
the horse in the legs and took off at a slow gallop.
booted the horse in the legs, it would NOT take off at a "slow gallop".
I then followed. We rode to the south side
All: *hum "South Side"*
of Hyrule field and came upon a long dark tunnel. "This way!" Link called.
"Through here!" I watched as Link disappeared into the tunnel. Then I
followed. At the other end we crossed a bridge and then into what seemed
to be a village.
Etienne: But in reality, it wasn't.
Cat: *waves arms* It's all a dreeeeeaaam!
Little people wearing green clothes that looked like kids
Jesse: The CLOTHES looked like KIDS!?
Cat: This isn't a dream, it's a nightmare! O_o
started to surround us when we stopped. "This is the
place where I was raised." Link said as he dismounted. After I dismounted
one of the kid like
Etienne: ^_^;; Wrong kind of kid.
Kokiri took our horses to tend to them. As I walked around the village the
child like people began watching me. They
all seemed very curious to who I was. As I looked around at them I noticed
that they had something floating around them.
Cat: Run! It's the fog!!!
As I took a closer look I noticed that they looked like fairies from the
fairy tales told to us in our village as kids. "Were these really fairies
from the stories I heard as a child?" I thought to myself. Just then one
of the Kokiri, a young girl approached me. "My name is Saria, what's
Cat: (Jenna) Mary Sue--ah, I mean, Jenna. ^_^;
The young girl asked. "My name is Jenna, it's a pleasure to meet you." I
replied. "Are you the one that came with my friend Link for our Spring
Saria's eyes seemed to glow at that moment.
Genocide: SHE'S POSSESSED!!!
"Yes he invited me." I said as a smile crossed the Kokiri girl's face.
I could tell that she knew I had my eyes set on Link, though she remained
silent about it.
Jesse: Yes, Saria thought it might be a social faux-pas to point out that
Jenna's eyes were stuck on Link's back...
There were male Kokiri as well.
Genocide: Must not be from the "Lebian" Coast... *cough* ^_~
One in particular was one named Mido. He was the leader of the Kokiri and
a dear friend of Saria and Link.
Etienne: Some friend... he picked on Link all the time when he was a kid!
He had a sense of humor but he yet remained stern and headstrong for he
was their leader and was responsible for their lives.
Genocide: And what a scary thought it was.
It was time for the feast, Saria gestured for me to join them at the feast
table. She led me to the seat next to Link. As I sat down next to him she
smiled and winked at me. "Did she plan this?" I asked myself, and then
Cat: Uh... why does she keep talking to herself like that?
After a moment I looked over all of the food. There was a great abundance
of food to eat. There was cooked pork in a
rich chestnut cream sauce, beef stew, cooked turkey,
Jesse: As opposed to raw turkey?
all different kinds of cheeses, bread and butter, cooked vegetables and
even many different kinds of fruit. My mouth began to water as I combed
over the food.
Etienne: (Random Kokiri) Um...Jenna? Why are you combing the food?
After I served myself, I began to eat. As I was eating I could not help
but notice that Link was watching me out of the corner of his eye.
Cat: (Link; thinking) What a pig...
I could feel his stare. Though it was pleasant. Then our eyes met and a
smile crossed his face.
As I stared into his eyes they seemed to glow under the light of the moon.
Etienne: What is WITH the glowing eyes!?
He even looked more handsome in the moonlight.
Jesse: But boy, was he a dog in the sunlight!
And I told myself that I would be crazy to pass up a man like this.
After everyone finished eating, all of the Kokiri got up and started to
dance. Some of the Kokiri even played instruments. As the music drifted in
the air Link took my hand in his.
"Would you care to
Cat: (Link) Be a sacrifice for our Spring Night ritual?
dance?" I looked at him and smiled. "Yes, I'd love to."
Genocide: -_- The dialogue is thrilling. I can barely contain myself.
He led me to where everyone else was and we started to dance. We danced
Genocide: (darkly) Each other's blood!
Jesse: You're really starting to freak me out, man.
Genocide: ^_^ Eeeexcellent.
long into the night. And to show my appreciation I even did a solo dance.
version of an "exotic dance" before, and they never wanted to see it
Then after I did my dance I went to sit down and rest. I was tired. Link
came and sat down beside me. "You look real tired."
Cat: (Hick voice) Gee Mary Sue, you done look real tired. But you sure
are purdy... wanna come back to my luuuuve shack?
"Are you ready to retire?"
Jesse: Please say yes.
Link asked as he put his hand on my shoulder. I nodded yes
All: *cheer and throw confetti*
and tried to get up and walk. But I was so tired and had too much to drink
that I stumbled.
Etienne: *whimper* Pleeeease say we won't have to see drunken sex...
(Everyone looks horrified at the idea)
Catching me in his arms, Link led me back to where I was sitting. "I think
it would be wise if you stay here tonight." "I have plenty of room and I
can escort you back to the castle in the morning." Link looked at me with
a worried look and I decided to stay.
Jesse: Yeah, he was worried she would get loose and the world would be
destroyed by the evil, all powerful Mary Sue!
And that is how we spent every night together, even up to the night when I
finally shared his bed.
Cat: O_o Getting drunk and dancing?
I started to know within side myself
that Link was the one I wanted to be with. Even more so on the night when
I shared myself with him......
Jesse: Thankfully, it looks like we don't have to read that...
Etienne & Genocide: Woooo!!
Cat: ...So, how are we gonna get out of here?
H.C. CHEESIE: Ohhh ho ho ho! You won't be getting out of HERE anytime
LT. CHEESIE: Yeah... heh heh. We have lots more badfics for you!
H.C. CHEESIE: (continues) Yes... there are many more chapters of "My Inner
Life"... and you will suffer through them all!! *cackles*
H.C. CHEESIE: Oh, but don't worry... we've setup your old computer,
Genocide, and it seems there are many more people who desire revenge
against this Link's Queen! ...That's right, for many of the future parts
of "MIL" you will have a guest who desires a chance to vent about LQ...
(The Commander breaks into evil cackles)
LT. CHEESIE: Uh, yeah. What he said.
GENOCIDE: Uhh... why do you want to torture THEM??
H.C. CHEESIE: (stops cackling abruptly) Umm....... SHUT UP!! Lieutenant!
Tell them who their guest shall be!!
LT. CHEESIE: Uhh..... *searches through some papers* Ahh, here it is...
some evil chick named... Bold Font?
JESSE: What kind of name is that?
CAT: It's... er, interesting.
ETIENNE: At least we'll have some more company...
GENOCIDE: *giggles* He probably wouldn't even be able to see you!
(The Commander clears his throat loudly)
H.C. CHEESIE: A-HEM! ...Enjoy your peace while it lasts, my precious
little victims... oh, and don't bother trying to escape. My counterpart
and I have set up an elaborate and very PAINFUL electrical security
system... so unless you want to get fried, I suggest you stay put!
(The High Commander turns around with a flourish, though it loses its
dramatic touch when he almost trips over his Lieutenant)
H.C. CHEESIE: (aside to the Lt.) Out of my way, idiot! (in a louder voice)
I shall take my leave.... but rest assured, you will suffer again soon!
Ahh ha ha ha haaaa!! *stalks off*
LT. CHEESIE: *follows the High Commander with a less-than-evil laugh*
GENOCIDE: Well, it could be worse, right?
(No one answers)
GENOCIDE: (frantic) ...Right??
Endnote: Gasp! What will happen next? Will out heroes escape? Will they
really be able to survive any more of "My Inner Life"? What kind of name
IS Bold Font? Find out in the next instalment of "My Inner Life"!! ^_^
Dedications: Oh yes, this is dedicated to Bold, Miss Cam, Tilly, and
everyone else who has been endlessly annoyed/disgusted by recent rants by
that certain someone... *rolls eyes* Hopefully some humor will have
alleviated a little of the frustration.