Cheesie#1: Ah ha ha haaa! It will only be a matter of time before
everything falls into place, my moldy compatriot! Now then, what shall we
call our base?
Cheesie#2: Uhhh...

(looooong pause)

Cheesie#2: (speaking oddly slow) All...your base...
are...belong...to...us!
Cheesie#1: ...What? O_o; That's an odd name...

(Cheesie#2 does a good impression of looking startled/miffed)

Cheesie#2: *blink* Huh??
Cheesie#1: *taken off guard* What?
Cheesie#2: *jumps* Ahh!!
Cheesie#1: >_<

(Cheesie #1 whacks Cheesie#2)

Cheesie#2: @_@ Duuuude...
Cheesie#1: Never mind the base, then. WE need names as well... I shall
be... High Commander Cheesie! ...You can be Lieutenant Cheesie.
Cheesie#2(Lt. Cheesie): Aww... man, that name sucks...
Cheesie#1(High Commander): ...Deal with it. Now then! Let's see what our
enemies are up to!

(Pan to Genocide, Etienne, Jesse, Dee, and Cat)

Cat: Man, I can't BELIEVE how much BS was in that "prologue"!!
Dee: O_o; Yeah, you're telling me...
Genocide: *gulp* Well... here comes the fic, guys.
Etienne: *wince* Hooboy...
Jesse: ....-_-



My Inner Life

Dee: A tale of life in the inner city...

The Beginning

Cat: Of the end!!
Etienne: We wish...

I will never forget the day,

Jesse: (LQ) But for some reason, I never remember the night.

the day I met Link. It was a warm spring day; I was on my usual trip back
to

Etienne: The asylum.

Hyrule with my wagon of goods to sell in Hyrule market

Genocide: She means drugs, right?

at the annual Spring Festival (1).

Jesse: What's with the number?
Cat: ...Uhh... it's Spring Festival number one?

I have been a traveling merchant since I was fourteen. This is my sixth
year returning to Hyrule. The last two years I was not able to return when
Princess Zelda sent word of an evil presence in Hyrule. Then all contact
was lost.

Dee: Oh, damn, those things are hard to find once you drop them!

For almost two years I tried to contact Princess Zelda.

Jesse: (Jenna) For some reason, she just wouldn't return my calls!

Desperately I kept trying to find out if she was ok. I was never too long
without contact with my good friend.

Etienne: But, didn't she just say...?
Cat: *pats her shoulder* Don't think about it.

Then I was considering going to investigate, when one-day word came in
that peace had been restored to Hyrule do to the legendary "Hero of Time."

Genocide: Wink wink, nudge nudge?

After some catching up time with my old friend

Jesse: Is she talking about Zelda, or someone else? And why does she
refuse to say the name of this "old friend"?
Genocide: *evil grin* No, her old friend's the game cartidge... she was
doing some... "catching up", all right.
Dee: ...Hope she cleans up the mess.
Cat: God, you two are gross! >_<

I came to find out what really happened. Seems that a Gerudo named
Gannondorf, an evil man from Gerduo Valley,

Etienne: A Gerudo from Gerudo Valley?? You don't say!

desired the legendary Triforce.

Genocide: Ewww... he DESIRED the TRIFORCE???
Jesse: *whacks Genocide in the back of the head* Get yer mind out of the
gutter...
Dee: Yeah, save that for the lemon part!

Though the Triforce was only told in fairy tales to the children where I
come from, I was amazed to find out it really existed. She told me how she
played with

Genocide: (horrified) With the TRIFORCE!?
Cat: You're such a perv! You're even worse than Dee!
Dee: Come on, now... is that really possible? *grins*

things she knew nothing about. And about how Gannondorf tricked the
soon to be "Hero of Time" into unlocking the door to the Sacred Realm.

Etienne: ...But I thought Zelda was the one who told him to play the Song
of Time there...?
Jesse: Don't start questioning it, kid... it'll only bring massive
headaches!

I even noticed that Zelda was a little older then I.

Cat: *chuckles* And it took her how long to notice this?

Last I saw her she was four years younger then me.

Dee: ...Um, what??

It was told to me that when Gannondorf went into the Temple of Time and
into the Scared Realm, time jumped ahead in Hyrule seven years. Yet only
two years passed in my land. And in the rest of the world.

Genocide: What??? But... but... that's not right!! Didn't Seven years pass
NORMALLY, and Link was just sorta... sleeping in the Sacred Realm?? Ahhh!
What is she DOING to the canon of the game!?
Etienne: Ack! Calm down! O_o;;
Genocide: *hyperventilates*

After the "Hero of Time" defeated the King of Evil,

Dee: Why is "Hero of Time" in quotes, and King of Evil isn't?
Jesse: Because the "Hero of Time" is just a big sham.

the hero was granted to either return to the past or to remain in the
present time. Since he chose to remain in the present Zelda

Genocide: *spazzes* BUT HE DIDN'T!!! SHE SENT HIM BACK AT THE END OF THE
GAME!!!
Cat: Whoa... O_o;; Chill, fanboy...
Genocide: *Seethes*

jumped ahead of me in age by four years. It seems that everyone in Hyrule
jumped in age from the rest of the world.

Jesse: Didn't you already say that?
Genocide: *mutters angrily under his breath*

But now that peace was restored life resumed in Hyrule....

Dee: Little did the poor Hylians know, a Mary Sue was heading their way!
Cat: Yes, and peace would be no more...

As I made my way down the desert trail that led to Hyrule I begun to think
about whom the "Legendary Hero of Time" was.

Etienne: Last I heard, his name was Link.

I was very interested in meeting this man.

Dee: Oh, I'll bet you were...

Princess Zelda never told me his name,

Cat: Because she didn't want you to start STALKING him!

but I was going to make it a point this time to finally meet Hyrule's
Hero. As I turned off the dirt trail and onto Hyrule field, Hyrule castle
appeared in the distance.

Jesse: *snaps his fingers* Just like THAT Out of nowhere!

Dust and dirt kicked up behind the wheels of my wagon as it creaked along.
Then as I came closer to the gates of Hyrule castle, a familiar face
appeared to greet me.

Genocide: Gah! What's with things just appearing like that!?

I pulled back on the reins to make the horses come to a complete stop at
the front gate, and I realized that the person greeting me was my good
friend Princess Zelda.

I have been a good friend of the Royal Family ever since my first arrival
in Hyrule six years ago for Hyrule's annual Spring Festival.

All: *burst out laughing*

Ever since the first day I met the Princess I have been one of her closest
friends.

Dee: *smirks* I don't think Jenna's... assumptions should be taken as
reality.

I was even considered part of the Royal Family.

Cat: Riiiight....

After I climbed down from my perch

Jesse: Is she some kind of bird, or something?
Genocide: Yeah... *mutters* A sick parrot.

on the wagon, I ran over to Zelda

Etienne: More like, ran OVER Zelda. ^^;

and hugged her. "Hello Princess Zelda my good friend, yes it is good to
see you.

Dee: Did Zelda ask her a question, and we missed it?
Cat: Huh?
Dee: Well, she seemed to be answering something. And with a yes,
nonetheless.

How have you been?" Looking at her I could tell she was happy to see me.

All: *muffled snickers*

"Oh it is so good to see you again my friend! Come,

Dee: *grins* Is that a suggestion, or a command?

come,

Genocide: Sounds like a command to me.
Etienne: *sweatdrop* Moving on...
Dee: *snicker*

father is waiting to see you!"

Leaving my wagon to be

Jesse: Stolen by randomly appearing theives...
Genocide: Good old Gerudos... ^_^

tended to by the stable hands I followed Zelda through the market place
and to the gates that lead to the castle.

Dee: Hopefully she got hit by that run-on sentence, too.

As we approached the castle gates I saw some of the same guards I have
seen in the past few years.

Cat: (overly enthusiastic) RANDOM TENSE SWITCHING ACTION! WOOOO!

Saluting to Princess Zelda and me was a guard named Perrino.

Etienne: *studies that sentence carefully* Either the guard is saluting
Zelda and Jenna, or...
Genocide: Jenna started talking like Tarzan?
Etienne: ...Yeah.
Genocide: (Jenna) Me was a guard...

I met him a few years back,

Cat: (Jenna) In a seedy bar where I was taking my clothes off for money.
At least, they told me I'd get money for it... I never did see a single
rupee yet... hmm...

during one of my first visits to Hyrule. He was one of the guards that
befriended me the first time I arrived. He smiled a friendly smile as we
passed by.

Dee: (Perrino, thinking) I'm gonna finally off this chick... ^___^

"Its nice to see you again Mistress Jenna." He said as he waved.

As I smiled back I thought to myself how good it was to be backagain.

Jesse: How exactly does one get to be "backagain"?
Genocide: Can I be backagain,too?? Pleeeease??
Jesse: ...No.
Genocide: -_- Aww...

We went through the front gate

Dee: Don't you mean "threw"?

and made our way towards the palace garden. Upon approaching the gates
leading to the garden another familiar face appeared to greet me. Aswe
walked closer

Cat: Who the hell is Aswe??
Etienne: I dunno, but they're coming closer??
Jesse: It's coming straight at us!! *mimes gun-firing* BAM!!

I realized that the face was of Zelda's caretaker Impa of the Sheikahs. As
I walked over to Impa she turned to fully face me and

Genocide: Vomited!!

a small smile crossed her face.

Cat: (as "small smile") Mwahaha! *draws crosses all over Impa's face,
cackling maniacally*

"Its good to see you again my friend. How has life been treating you?"
Impa asked and put a hand on my shoulder.

"Oh fine. Nothing out of the ordinary. I had to chase some thief's off

Jesse: A theif's off?
Etienna: Where exactly did this theif acquire the alleged "off"?
Genocide: ...By unscrupulous means, no doubt!

on the first night that I was on my way here. Though after some facing
time off I was able to chase them away with my bow."

Dee: After some facing time off? Uhh... right.

Then I made a big grin

Cat: (Jenna) I made it all by myself!
Etienne: (Jenna) I took some glue, and some paper...

as I remembered the looks on the thief's faces

Genocide: O_O Apparently this theif carries around faces as well...

when I rained arrows on them.

Jesse: Today's forcast includes cloud, a high of plus 2, and a possibility
of scattered arrow showers.

"Well it seems that with the abilities you posses

Cat: She's possessed!!

you should have no problem keeping your possessions safe."

Dee: Yeah... don't wanna have them exorcised or anything, right?

With another smile Impa gestured for us to go into the garden.

That is where I met him.

The man that took my heart.

Genocide: Just reached in and RIPPED it out!!

As we walked into the garden I saw a young man in green with his back
facingus

Dee: Eww... is that some sort of fungus?

polishing a rather odd sword. As I watched him I had begun to notice
something about the sword.

Etienne: Did she notice it was odd?

It had a rather odd shape on the hilt.

Cat: But is it really ODD?

The hilt was blue with the top of the hilt looking like a fishes tail.

All: ...What??

The sword looked rather strangely familiar. I leaned over to Princess
Zelda and

Genocide: Took a bite out of her! Bwahahahaha!
Jesse: ......Right.

asked her who the young man was.

"That is the Legendary "Hero of Time,"

Cat: Wink wink, nudge nudge--
Dee: --Say no more!

his name is Link." Zelda replied.

My eyes grew as big as saucers

Jesse: That's quite a trick.

as I turned to look back at him. "You mean he is the "Hero of Time" you
told me about?

Etienne: (Zelda) Yes, now stop with the bloody airquotes!

The one who saved Hyrule?

Etienne: (Zelda) Didn't I just say yes??

Then that must be the Legendary Master Sword he is holding?"

Genocide: *sob* Stop asking us questions!!

Zelda nodded yes. Just then Link turned to look at us. And with one look

Dee: (Jenna) He went running for the hills!! ...I have no idea why... I
mean, I'm so beauuuuuutiful! With my sleek and sexy neck...

at his face my heart sank into my chest.

All: Ewwwww....
Jesse: She'd better get that checked out.

He was the most gorgeous man I had ever laid my eyes upon.

Cat: I'll bet that won't be all you lay on him, either...

At that very moment I fell in love.

All: *groan*

His eyes were like looking down into deep blue pools of water.

Etienne: Only, not...
Genocide: Deep pools of murky, polluted water.

His lips firm.

Dee: As opposed to mushy.
Cat: She'd better not let them sit in the sun too long--they'll get over
ripe.

His ears long and sexy.

Etienne: Sexy ears, huh?
Genocide: The damn fic is talking like a caveman.

Beautiful blond hair that parted in the middle.

Cat: An elegant, receeding hairline....

And his body was so tight

Dee: *snicker*

and muscular that it took my breath away.

Jesse: And then she died. And there was much rejoicing.

When our eyes met, I blushed and swiftly looked away. He approached me and
took my hand in his, gently kissed it and asked,

Jesse: (Link) ...Don't you EVER bathe?

"Who might this beautiful young lady be?"

Etienne: She is queen of the Mary Sues.
Cat: She possesses the all powerful Aura of Smooth.
Jesse: She makes us ill...
All: She is... LINK'S QUEEN! OH HO HO HO!!!

(Jesse snatches the fic and puts it on the floor)

Jesse: Okay, that's enough of that for now, guys...
Etienne: Ugh, yeah. I think it's rotting my brain.

(Dee stands up and stretches)

Dee: So what do y'all say we try to find a way outta here? Who's with me??

(Everyone agrees and they stand up. Suddenly a pile of boxes in a corner
of the basement topple over to reveal Lt. Cheesie and the High Commander!)

H.C. Cheesie: Mwahaha! You fools! Now you will pay for trying to consume
me, Genocide!! NO ONE consumes ME!!! *cackles*
Lt. Cheesie: Uh... what he said.

(The MSTing gang finds themselves staring at the business end of a
strange-looking ray gun of sorts...)

Genocide: Whoa! Wait just a minute!! *nervous laugh* Can't we talk this
out...?
Jesse: *groan* What've you gotten us into, Genocide?
Dee: O_O What the...???
Cat: O_o;; Ummm....
Etienne: Er, let's not be hasty now...

(The High Commander raises the ray gun)

H.C. Cheesie: SILENCE!!! ...Now, my nemisis, you will know REAL suffering!

(The evil cheesie cackles maniacally and fires at the poor MSTers...)


MSTer's Endnote: GASP! What will happen next!? ...^_^;; Sorry this took so
long, everyone... but at least it's out now, right! Hopefully I'll be
able to get the next part out much sooner... ^^ I hope you've enjoyed this
brief trip into LQ's mad fantasy... ^_~ I'm sure there'll be some tiger
sex soon, guys!

 

Bold Font’s Note: Wow…DG ACTUALLY GOT A CHAPTER OUT!! Rejoice rejoice!!

And may I just add that it was a doozy. Yay…finally the plot, or what there is of a plot. Tune in next time, same

LQ time, same LQ channel!

Stinger: "Then I made a big grin as I remembered the looks on the thief's
faces..."