MSTer's Notes: This is the interlude of "My Inner Life" that I promised. ^^;; It's not the original MST I had planned, because I happened to lose the disk with that one saved on it... O_o; Anyhoo, the fic "Forbidden Love" belongs to Link's Queen aka whatever her name of the day is. My MSTing team belongs to me, Dissolved Girl. And lastly, no offense is meant by this MSTing. ^_^ LQ should meet Dr. Thinker to learn a lesson or two about not taking these MSTs so seriously! But anyway... on with the show!
<Deep in the reaches of outerspace.... on the Satellite of Badfics>
ETIENNE: Err... O_o; They cancelled Mr. T's show back in the 80's, Genocide...
GENOCIDE: *sniffles* I... I can't believe it...
JESSE: The show sucked, man. Get over it.
GENOCIDE: *mutters* I pity the foo' who don't like Mr. T...
(The vidscreen suddenly flares to life, revealing two not-so-ominous figures...)
HIGH COMMANDER CHEESIE: Well, well, well... hello my foolish little guinneapigs!
ALL: *unenthusiastically* Hello...
H.C. CHEESIE: My Lieutenant and I have found a little treat you might enjoy.. *cackles* Press the--
LT. CHEESIE: Maaaan... do you smell something burning?
H.C. CHEESIE: .....O_O You idiot!!! You just burned the last bit of the experiment!!! Now we'll have to disrupt the space-time continueum to get back the lost pages!!
LT. CHEESIE: (mournful) ....I dropped my bong, man.... -_-
(much screaming and cursing ensues, cut off by the pushing of the button)
(the screen goes black, followed by flashing lights and blaring sirens)
ALL: We've got Badfic Sign... *trudge into the theater*
(6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Theater)
(Everyone files down the aisle towards the front)
Genocide: So what was all that about, anyway...??
Etienne: ...Sounds like we might only be getting PART of a fic!
Jesse: Thank god.
(Seating left to right: Jesse, Etienne, Genocide)
<The lights dim and the torture begins!!>
Jesse: Something we've learned to fear and loathe.
This is a story based on the idea that has been spreading around
Genocide: Like a plague!
about Sheik being a real man
Etienne: As opposed to the synthetic kind.
Genocide: I HATE those kind!
Jesse: Yeah, damn posers...
and not actually Zelda.
Etienne: I personally find that a bit freaky... the whole Zelda is Sheik thingie. O_o
Genocide: Ahhh, the old cross-dressing-princess-saves-the-day trick...
Now I haven't been the type to like the crazy idea of the Link x Sheik thingy,
Etienne: ^___^ I've got nothing against it!
so I came up with something that well, bashes that idea. *winces* No offense to Sheik fans…
Jesse: (Author) Yeah, I bash it but, like, no offense!
Genocide: Ahh, LQ... mistress of contradictions.
Don't get me wrong, I think Sheik is cool and I personally say there is a male Sheik,
Etienne: Wow! Your personal opinion has given validation to my entire life!! Gee, thank you Link's Queen! I may never have achieved fulfillment without that single sentence!!
Jesse: ...Sarcasm doesn't become you, kid.
Etienne: ...-_- I can only take so much Badfic...
my one friend
Genocide: Your ONLY friend.
(she's a complete
Jesse: Figment of your imagination?
Genocide: Sheik freak... heehee, it rhymes! ^___^
also says that sheik is real but his name is spelled Shiek, as not to confuse the Zelda Sheik and the real Sheik together.
Etienne: Does it confuse them seperately, then?
Genocide: I dunno about them, but that bit sure confused the hell outta me!
But it's just that I cannot see the Link x Sheik thingy
Jesse: But you can, however, see Link.
Etienne: Yeah, she sees him in her room every night... ^_~
Genocide: And she doesn't just SEE him there, either. She--Mmph!!
Jesse: *covers Genocide's mouth* Don't go there.
cuz I don't believe in Link
Etienne: *gasp* She's not the real LQ! That imposter!!!
or Sheik being gay. And Link's too damn hott
Jesse: And you're too damn "stupidd" to use correct spelling.
to waste that on a man,
Etienne: I know some men who might disagree. *sweatdrop*
What would happen if Link married a woman
Etienne:They might produce offspring?
Genocide: We'd be subjected to "My Inner Life"?
but was secretly in love with Sheik?
Jesse: Better Sheik than Jenna.
What would Link's wife do to Link or Sheik if she found out?
Genocide: I'm hoping for some sort of brutal murder... mwahahahaa!!!
Etienne: O_O ...Freak.
Read on to and see for yourself… …
Jesse: If only we had a choice in the matter...
Etienne: Extreme incoherence ahead!! Proceed at your own risk!
Dark, very dark,
Jesse: Turn on a light, then! *rimshot*
major violence, blood content,
Genocide: Bwahahahaaa! ...Eeeexcellent.
some mentions to the Link x Sheik coupling,
Etienne: Considering that seems to be the basis for the fic, I would HOPE there was mention of it.
Jesse: You never know, when LQ is involved...
Genocide: Yeah, leave it to her to "forget" a pivitol plot point.
continuous pov changing
and some sheik bashing.
Etienne: *pretends to swing a baseball bat* Mwahahaha!!! NOW I'm ready for Sheik bashing!
Not a fic for the Sheik fans and fans
Jesse: And fans and fans and fans.
Genocide: And fans.
of the Link x Sheik thingy. Rated NC-17
Etienne: Nooooo!! Not more bad LQ porn!!
for all of the above descriptions.
Jesse: An nc-17 fic without sex? That has to be a first...
All: *squinting* Wha....?
(MSTer's note: ^^;; That title shows up in some sort of weird, condensed font on my computer... hense the squinting. ^^;;)
Jesse: A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...
Link walked solemnly around Hyrule field, his head swarming with
uneasy feelings as the memories of what occurred earlier that day caused him to fill with the mixtures of nervousness and fear.
Genocide: Mix your nervousness and fear in one bowl. Add a sprinkle of tension and mix thoroughly!
He transfixed his eyes
Jesse: How the hell did he manage THAT??
towards the aqua shimmering sky as the memories of "him"
Etienne: You can tell it's LQ when the random "quotes" come in.
Genocide: What were you saying about no sex, Jesse?
rushing back into his mind like a raging river,
Etienne: *raises a brow* If this ISN'T talking about sex, it sure has a lot of euphanisms...
the fire of a certain desire ravaged his every vein,
Jesse: It was either desire, or those drugs he took earlier.
sending shocks of momentarily pleasure cursing threw his lower body.
Genocide: O_O;; THREW his lower body??
Jesse: ...Sounds violent.
With a snort of
disgust he tried to push the forbidden feelings aside,
Genocide: *wistfully* Ahhh, why are all the forbidden things so tempting?
forced the thoughts of "him" out of his mind, but as hard as he tried, he was unable to forget the unthinkable, but desirable act he committed earlier that day and the ruby red eyes of the one he secretly loved.
Etienne: Oooooh, sordid affairs!
He basked revealingly in it;
Jesse: Ahhh! *covers his eyes* Put it on, put it on!!
felt a certain power in knowing that the one he was solely searching for finally came to for fill the fantasies
Genocide: To... huh??
Etienne: How do you "to for fill" something??
he had longed for, yearned for,
At what cost?
Galleon: (Cartman a la Asian hooker) Sucky sucky, five dolla!!
Jesse: O_o;;; Hooboy...
He had risked so much to for fill a burning desire
Etienne: Did Sheik give him crabs or something??
that wasn't even supposed to happen, one that would have been considered sick, perverted and downright repulsive.
Genocide: Is this talking about the author? *WHACK* Ow!!!
Jesse: As tempting as it might be, we're supposed to avoid directly flaming the author... to excess.
But Link felt nothing of that, all he cared about was finally getting to touch, hold, and caress the one person that he had secretly fallen in love with, but the very same person he denied that existed to all his loved ones.
Etienne: O_< Does anyone have any asprin?? That last paragraph gave me a migraine...
Link closed his deep blue eyes as the gentle cool breeze of the autumn air
Jesse: As opposed to a breeze of autumn WATER?
brushed gently across his face and threw his golden blonde hair. He slowly opened his broad hand to reveal a golden pendant in the shape of a dragon with the symbol of the Sheikahs clutched in its claws.
Genocide: *falls out of his chair* ...Ohhh... anyone get the number of the run-on sentence that hit me??
With a sigh, Link brought the pendant close to his heart and held it tightly against his chest as he whispered softly to himself.
A dangerous act of lust
Genocide: The best kind!
It was a cool autumn day; the sun was shinning lazily down through the great sacrum trees in the Lost Woods.
Jesse: ...Sacrum? O_o; Guys, are we SURE LQ wrote this??
Etienne: Maybe... maybe it was beta'd??
Genocide: I pity the beta!
It's rays reflected off the leaves that were turning colors of bright reds, warm oranges and soft yellows.
Jesse: Were they radioactive rays?
Etienne: Laser rays!
Genocide: DEATH RAYS!!! *evil laugh*
The musical sounds of exotic
Etienne: *whacks Genocide upside the head* Perv.
birds filled the air with their sweet sounds as a cool brisk breeze blew gently threw the long brown hair of a slender young woman
Etienne: *muffled giggle* With a sleek, sexy neck?
that was working busily in her garden.
The women worked fervently among her crops,
Genocide: Bet I know what kinda "crops" those were... heh.
taking just enough care not to damage the fragile vegetables as she gently plucked them off their luscious vines.
Jesse: Yes, she was growing glass veggies!
As the women worked gracefully among her crops, she hummed to a sweet beautiful tune
Etienne: The Song of the Mary Sue, in it's natural habitat.
that she and Link often hummed to together.
She often hummed to that tune as a reminder of the love she shared with the special man in her life, the one that had stolen her heart years before.
Jesse: Damn her for not following the laws of physics! She should be DEAD without her heart!!
She loved him, cherished him, and wrapped her whole world around him.
Genocide: That's... vaguely disturbing.
Etienne: Hm, quite.
He meant everything to her, and because of that, she would even die for him.
Genocide: I take that back. That's VERY disturbing. She's obsessed with him!
But it seemed that recently, Link wasn't the same.
He was acting odd, behaving strangely.
Jesse: Never mind that those are the same things.
He was disappearing for long hours, sometimes staying out all night, sneaking around and avoided any questions when asked where he was.
Etienne: *giggle* Gee, THAT's not suspicious!
At first, Kitiara thought
Genocide: Kitiara?? Who the hell is that??
Jesse: *blinks* Jenna changed her name...?
Etienne: ...Trying to tone down the Mary Sue-ness, probably.
his strange behavior was just something due to stress, but then the strange occurrences soon started to form a pattern.
She started to notice him do things that he normally never did, even started to find strange things hidden among his belongings that weren't even his.
Jesse: Yes, it was true... Link had become a klepto!
Etienne: He'd joined the Gerudo people!!
And there were countless times when she would question him where he had been when he returned home after he had disappeared all day and some times all night. But he would always act evasive, avoided the questions, and seemed to have a different excuse every time.
Kitiara knew something was wrong, knew he was hiding something from her, but she wasn't quite sure what it was.
Genocide: Gee, it can't be that he's CHEATING on a "wonderful specimen of womanhood" such as yourself!!
Etienne: *wipes up dripping sarcasm*
She started to suspect that maybe there was another women involved, but who?
Jesse: Well there ain't that many in the game...
Zelda was already betrothed to marry the prince of a neighboring kingdom,
Etienne: (as Church Lady) How conveeeeeeeenient!
and Malon had already married two months before.
Genocide: Aww... my cute little redhead... -_-;
But Ruto remained single…
oh Goddesses could it be Ruto?
All: ....!!! O_o;;;
Kitiara often suspected that the Zora might have been the one since she never really got over her love for him, but never found any proof to prove her suspicions.
Genocide: *mindless giggle* That made so little sense...
So because she loved him, she excused his strange behavior and tried to continue on with her life with him.
Jesse: Thus winning herself the national Dumb Ass Award.
With a sigh, Kitiara whipped the sweat from her brow,
Etienne: Whoa! ...She's into S&M, eh? O_o;;
picked up the filled basket of vegetables and walked into the house.
She carried the basket into the dining room and was about to set it down, when something shiny caught her eye.
Jesse: (Kitiara) Ooooh, shiney!
Etienne: (Aya) Link's Queen! SHI-NE!!!!
After she put the basket down, she walked over where the glittering object was.
There tucked casually inside the hood of Link's cloak was something golden.
Jesse: Yes, it was... CASUALLY hidden there.
Kitiara reached inside the hood and pulled out a gold chain with a gold dragon pendant and a piece of paper.
Etienne: ...And the scene is set. I wonder WHO Link is having an affair with!? ...*yawn*
She eyed the pendant and notice the symbol of the Sheikahs was clutched in its claws. She knew that it couldn't be his since she never gave it to him and that only the Sheikh people wore those types of pendants.
Genocide: Gee, it's not like Link would ever get gifts from anyone ELSE or anything!
Then Kitiara opened the paper to revel a letter.
Jesse: Nosy little thing, isn't she?
She started to read it, then suddenly gasped.
Her eyes went a deathly white as she finished reading it
Etienne: She went BLIND?? From READING something!?
then shakily put the letter down on the table beside her.
Genocide: Is she having a seizure?
Etienne: Does she smell burnt toast??
Jesse: Has somebody called Dr. Penfield!?
She couldn't believe what she just read.
Etienne: It was so unbelieveable, she won't tell us what it said!
One of her hands clasped over her mouth
Genocide: Effectively choking her, the end?
Jesse: If only.
as she returned her attention back to the pendant still in her hand.
It was at that point she knew her suspicions were true. But it wasn't the exact thing she suspected, it was more then that.
Etienne: (darkly) Yes... it was something much more... sinister.
She closed her hand tightly around the pendant as small crystal white tears
Jesse: Crystal WHITE?? ...She may want to get that checked out!
slowly begun to stream down her rosy cheeks.
Link was indeed was having an affair like she suspected, but it was who that caused her whole world to be thrown into chaos.
Genocide: (Kititara) Never mind that he's having an affair, he's having it with a man, goshdarnit!!!
And it was the very same person that she thought never existed.
Jesse: Having an affair with an imaginary man?
Genocide: ...Much like a certain author and her lucid dreams, eh?
Etienne: *muffled snicker*
A small Kariee chipped happily on a branch of the burlap tree Sheik stood under.
Etienne: Several questions... one, what is a Kariee? Two, what the heck is it chipping? And three... a BURLAP tree??? Burlap, like the sack??
The wind brushed threw
Genocide: *screams and throws dictionaries at the fic*
his long blondish hair as his ruby red eyes sat transfixed
Jesse: Again with the transfixed eyes...
Etienne: Isn't this where we came in?
towards the shimmering waters of Lake Hylia.
He had gone there and had been waiting for about twenty minutes for the person he was supposed to meet.
Genocide: Ha! Link stood him up! What a burn!
His letter said for the person to meet him at the lake just before noon, but it seems that his company was late.
Jesse: As you've already stated.
Sheik walked out from under the cozy shade of the tree and down towards the sandy bank of the lake. Looking down into its glassy surface, he
Etienne: Realized he had no reflection!!
was able to make out the silhouette of the infamous Water Temple. With a sigh Shiek concluded that his guest might not have shown up because he dreaded to come near this place.
Then Sheik's mind drifted back to the night he found "him"
Genocide: Wink wink, nudge nudge!
Etienne: Say no more!
lying half naked along the very spot he was standing.
Jesse: (Sheik) Ahh! My virgin eyes!
Sheik remembered the way he found him, lying half
Etienne: (suspiciously) This looks awfully familiar...
Jesse: It's a glitch in the matrix!
out of the lake, his hair matted with dirt and tainted with blood, his face and body covered in bruises.
Genocide: ...Is that it??
Jesse: I think so....
Etienne: Yup! It's all blank space from here!
Genocide: Sweeeet.... let's get the hell outta here!!
(Everyone hurries out of the theater and back onto the main deck of the SoB)
JESSE: Well, that was... frighteningly better than "My Inner Life"...
GENOCIDE: Agreed. ...O_o; Are we SURE she wrote that herself???
ETIENNE: She must have, it has her trademark error--threw! ^_^;;
JESSE: This must be a much newer work...
(The screen flares to life)
(The lietenant is nowhere to be seen)
H.C. CHEESIE: (huffs) Well, my MORONIC counterpart hasseen it fit to BURN the last bit of this fic... so, until further notice, you three won't be reading any more of "Forbidden Love"...
(much cheering ensues, followed by the throwing of confetti)
H.C. CHEESIE: *clears throat loudly* ah-HEM! ...However, you will STILL be subjected to more LQ fics.... mwaha...mwahaha....MWAHAHAHAHAA!!!
GENOCIDE: Damn you cheesy bastard!! *shakes a fist*
H.C. CHEESIE: (suddenly calm again) Well. I guess SOMEone picked the wrong cheesie for consumption, no? I'll break your little brains yet, fools!! LIETENANT!!! ...Push the button!!
(Lietenant Cheesie slinks forward to press the button, mumbling sadly about the bong ^^;;)
<Fade to Credits???>
MSTer's End Note: ...Ah-ha... ^^;; Admittedly some bad end/host segments... also, this breaks the timeline of the MSTing of "My Inner Life"... this MST actually takes place at a later date... ^^;; Don't worry, things will all fall together soon! And--I AM still working on My Inner Life... it's just slow working. ^^;; If anyone would like to volunteer to do my school work in the mean time, feel free! *L* Anyhoo, that's all for now, folks! ^_~
--Dissolved Girl, bringing you the scariest in Badfics since... uh, a few weeks ago?
STINGER: "This is a story based on the idea that has been spreading around Sheik being a real man..."